Wordle

Julie posted this on her blog. I thought it was cool, so I did it too. It was created from all the words I have used while writing my blog.

(I can't seem to make it large enough to view properly here, I'm still kind of blog illiterate sometimes, but if you click on it it will take you to a larger image.)

Want to make your own Wordle?

Sunday Mutterings

I knew February would go by faster than January. It's muttering time again already!

1. Be mine :: Valentine
   


2. Ecstatic :: Super duper happy
   


3. Orderly :: I am not
   


4. Sebastian :: Bach, Skid Row
   


5. Sore :: Loser
   


6. Don’t need :: a whole lot of money, I don't need a real fine car, (Some Kind of Wonderful, Grand Funk)
   


7. Rockstar :: So you want to be a rock and roll star, well listen now, hear what I say (Tom Petty)
   


8. Tinfoil :: is shiny
   


9. Addiction :: Jane's


10. Where? :: am I?

Want to mutter too?

I've Just Seen A Face

When I was first going out with my dear husband, he sang a song to me on a street corner in Chicago. I have always considered it my song. In honor of this being Valentine's Day, thought I'd share it. It's currently playing if your volume is up.

We've been together almost 18 years. We celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary last Saturday. We've had our disagreements over the years, we've had our fights, but through it all, I've loved him and I know he loves me. And when I think of this song, it reminds me of our beginning, and makes me love him all the more.

I've Just Seen a Face
(the Beatles)

I've just seen a face I can't forget the time or place where we just met
She's just the girl for me and I want all the world to see we've met

Had it been another day I might have looked the other way and
I'd have never been aware but as it is I'll dream of her tonight

Falling, yes I am falling
And she keeps calling me back again

I have never known the like of this I've been alone and I have
Missed things and kept out of sight but other girls were never quite like this

Falling, yes I am falling
And she keeps calling me back again

Falling, yes I am falling
And she keeps calling me back again

I've just seen a face I can't forget the time or place where we've just met she's just the girl for me and I want all the world to see we've met

Falling, yes I am falling
And she keeps calling me back again

Falling, yes I am falling,
And she keeps calling me back again


Falling, yes I am falling
And she keeps calling me back again

Linkin Park, Numb

My children listen to Linkin Park. Through them I have become a fan of the band. The song below (and currently playing if you have volume on, unless you are reading this more than a few days after I posted, in which case it will be on my top playlist below, somewhere) really stuck with me the first time I heard it. It made me think of children, and how we have so many expectations for them, expectations that are supposed to fit into our mold of how they should be, instead of letting them become who THEY are meant to be. Our children were not put here to be little mini-me's.

I felt a lot of disappointment from my father growing up. I just never did things right or well enough for him. I was smart, but didn't apply myself and get good grades. I lived with my now husband and got pregnant before marriage. All these little things that I had made a choice to do were disappointments to him. I think sometimes we also get into relationships as adults and feel we disappoint those we love. We feel like we have to constantly live up to someone else's expectations or maybe they won't love us anymore. In the meantime we lose ourselves.

I hope I don't put these kinds of expectations on my children. That I expect them to grow up and be like me or do what I say is right. I hope they have been given the freedom to find who they are and believe what they want to believe. I hope they never feel I have been disappointed in them or that they have disappointed me. I have felt numb, I hope they never do.

Numb

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless lost under the surface

Don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Every step I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

I've become so tired so much more aware

I've becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me

Holding too tightly afraid to lose control

Cause everything that you thought I would be

Has fallen apart right in front of you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

I've become so tired so much more aware

I've becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know

I may end up failing too

But I know

You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

I've become so tired so much more aware

I've becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

Is everything what you want me to be

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

Is everything what you want me to be

Caption Contest

I've seen caption contests on other blogs, so I thought I'd do one too. I don't know if I even have enough readers to make this worthwhile, but if someone posts something I find extraordinarily funny, maybe you'll win something. Or at least you'll get fame and recognition on my blog :)

Caption This

Sunday Mutterings

I didn't forget this week.

1. Cups :: Dixie


2. Brilliant :: I am
   


3. Disobey :: Authority


4. Abstain :: From sex? or Alcohol? Or Drugs? Oh my!


5. Daily :: News


6. You make me :: So very happy, I'm so glad you, came into my life..........(B S & T I think)


7. Hurl :: ey....Lost : )


8. Intensify :: strengthen


9. Fuck! :: Why what a dirty mouth lunanina has!
   


10. Race :: We are all part of the human race regardless of our color

Want to mutter?

Churchianity

That's a nifty word. I first read it over at Stephanie's blog, and I like it. She said she didn't make it up, I don't know who did, but I am stealing it.

I have been having deep thoughts (remember that guy on Saturday Night Live that used to do Deep Thoughts..........), I am so easily distracted!

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot lately about my "Christianity". I grew up Catholic. I went to church, I received most of my sacraments. I believed in God, Jesus, the Holy spirit. I prayed. But I didn't go around making sure everyone knew I was a Christian, I didn't feel like everything I did had to be based on being a Christian and I didn't feel like a sinner if I did something un-Christian.

I became a "born-again" Christian in 2000. I fell hook, line and sinker for the life of a Christian. I stopped listening to anything but Christian music. I stopped hanging out with non-Christian friends. I censored everything my girls watched on tv. I even made my girls stop Halloween for a few years. Looking back, I almost feel like I was sucked into a cult. In the summer of 2002, I was seriously burned by a woman in my church whom I worked for at her pre-school. (Long story, I'll tell it at another time). That was the beginning of my realization that maybe this "Christian" way of living isn't really all it's cracked up to be. Then in June of 2004 my mother died. This Christian church, where I was supposed to be part of a family, virtually ignored me and my family while I was dealing with the grief of losing my mom. (Another long story, for another time). My sister, who is not a Christian, was treated better by her "secular" friends than I was by my 'Church family". So that just added to the discontent I was feeling.

It took me another 3 years of just feeling like I didn't belong before I seriously began looking at my situation. Finally I went to my last service in December of 2007. My girls were the ones who asked to stop going. Seems this Christian church we went to was very cliquey. My girls could see favoritism all around them, and girls who certainly did not show a Christian heart to others. I wasn't happy, they weren't happy, none of us were getting anything but misery from going, so we stopped. And I am not sorry we did.

So I have been thinking a lot about church and Christianity for the last year. Trying to decide if I need to find another church. Is that what God wants? All of us in a church, pretending to be things we aren't to please man? That's what I felt like in church. That I had to pretend to be something I wasn't. Everyone would tell me that once I accepted Jesus as my savior, my life would be transformed, I would be a new creation, I wouldn't want to be like my old self. Well, didn't God make my old self? I had believed in him since I was a child. I had gone to church and prayed to him all my life. Why did I need to be a new creation? Was he mad at the old one? Then why did he make me that way? Does it really make me sinner to say sh**? Or even the F word? Am I sinner if I like Heavy Metal music and listen to Ozzy Osbourne? Does God really grieve if I have a beer or two? I was convinced for a while to believe everything I did was wrong. I don't buy it anymore.

I still love God and believe Jesus died for me as much as I ever did. But I don't think everything I do grieves him. I don't believe it is wrong to associate with non-Christians. And sadly enough, I am usually treated better by non-Christians than I am by Christians. So called "Christians" are so caught up in their self-righteousness they no longer show a joyful heart. It's all about who is doing what wrong, and what they need to do to prove themselves worthy before the Lord. They are all about judgment and worry and really, disappointment and anger. The more I hang around with Christians, the more unhappiness I see. And I don't think it is because they are Christians. I still consider myself to be one, even though I can find no where in the Bible where God calls us to become "Christians". We are called to followed Jesus, not become something with a name. I think the unhappiness stems from the churches. From the rules and regulations and restrictions that churches (man) seem to think we all need to follow to be "saved".

Which is why I like the term "Churchianity". I think that is what Christianity has become. It's not about following Jesus and focusing on others and spreading the good news. It's about policing members lives and calling people out for their sins and making everyone feel bad. We were never called by God to go to a church. The church is the people of God. It was never meant to be a place or another institution like it has become. It has become a place for man to elevate himself and put himself in a position over others, when in reality we are all equal before the Lord.

I could go on and on about this. I have really put a lot of thought into it. But I am not done yet. I feel God talking to me (not literally, I'm not a loon), but I do get the sense that dropping out of my church was fine with him. I am figuring out my relationship to him on my own terms. And I think he's ok with that.

Rules For Cats

This is an oldie, but a goodie. I didn't write it, but I think it applies. At least to my cats.


Rules For Cats

1. DOORS

Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs & scratch the frame. You may also reach under the door & pull clothing towards you; silks get the quickest reaction. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in & out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, when it's raining or snowing, or during the height of the mosquito season. Swinging doors must be avoided at all costs.

2. CHAIRS & RUGS

If you have to yack (aka barf, heave, urp, etc.), get to an overstuffed chair quickly. If you can't manage this in time, get to an oriental rug. If there are no oriental rugs, shag is a good substitute. When yaking on shag be sure you project; it is a must that it stretch for as long as human's bare foot.

3. BATHROOMS

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. (see rule 1) It is not necessary to do anything - just sit & stare.

4. HELPING

If one of your humans is engaged in some busy activity & the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping":

When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You can't be seen & thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on & then picked up & comforted.

For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes & book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out & slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember that the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery & needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the human may tell you.

For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity) keep in mind the aim - to help! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.

When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love it when you jump.

5. WALKING

As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human. Especially effective places to strike are:

-On stairs, when they have something in their arms
-In the dark
-When they first get up in the morning. This exercise helps with improving their coordination skills.

6. BED TIME

Always sleep on the human at night. If there are two (or more) of you, book-end the human putting off the greatest heat. They will try & squirm but your sheer numbers & inert bodies will effectively keep them pinned.

7. COMPUTERS

Only show interest in computers that are turned ON, the operator will need your help. Monitors are bad for human eyes. It might ruin your owner's sight & cause them to buy less cat food. Always get in between the monitor and the person operating the computer. For best results, stand as close to the monitor as possible. If you are removed, go & sulk in a corner for a minute,then repeat. Look as innocent as possible.

Keyboards are great to lie down on. Make yourself as comfortable as possible. Marching over the keyboard several times is fun too. Practice aiming at alt-F4, N, and ctrl-alt-del.

Always chase the mouse, your owner can't blame you for this, since it's your feline instinct to chase mice.

Wednesday Muttering

Seems I forgot to mutter last weekend. Stephanie had to remind me. I think the cold weather is killing off brain cells.

1. Take :: Away


2. 350 :: Dollars?
   


3. Stand :: In the place where you live now face north (REM)


4. Raspberry :: Preserves


5. Turnstile :: I don't like going through them


6. Infomercial :: Sham Wow!


7. Dejected :: sad


8. What’s the word? :: that rhymes with turd?


9. Awestruck :: by Nature's beauty
   
   
10. Smashed :: trashed

Hmm, weird words this week. I hope she picks better ones next week. Want to mutter?

It's February!

January was a blur of coughing and sneezing and I just realized it is already Feb. 3rd. See, February is already moving by faster than January ever did.

I hate January. It is my most despised month. Nothing exciting happens in January, and at least where I live, it tends to be our coldest month of the year.

February brings all kinds of excitement. My anniversary, my birthday and my oldest daughters birthday. Things to look forward to and make the month sail right by. Which means March is right around the corner, and with it, hopefully, SPRING!

I really don't like my life to fly by me. But I wish I could speed up winter and slow down summer. And isn't it funny how the opposite seems to occur. Summer never last long enough.

For now, so long January, I'm happy to see you go. I hope it feels like a really long time before I have to see you again.

No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow.
~Proverb~