Christians and "Christians"

Man is a Religious Animal.  He is the only Religious Animal.  He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them.  He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight.  He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven.  

~Mark Twain~

 

A little background:  I grew up Catholic.  Born, baptised, reconciled, communed, confirmed, Catholic.  Cradle Catholic as many like to call us.  Back then, Catholics didn't read the bible, they didn't do much other than show up for church on Sunday.  So by the time I was 16 or so, I was done with Catholicism and most religion.  I went through the motions when my girls were born, had them baptised Catholic, to save their souls and all that.  But around 1999, I started hanging with "Christians".  

Catholics like to call themselves Christians, but over time I have come to see that there are Christians and there are "Christians" and never the twain shall meet.  They are just two different animals.  I have decided that Christians are the normal, everyday folk, who believe in God, believe in Jesus, go to church on Sunday, but live in and with the rest of the world.  "Christians" on the other hand, are those who go to church as many days during the weeks as possible, go to every church retreat, every church event, and try to mingle with "others" as little as possible.  People outside the church are "scary", threatening, not like them.     

When I started hanging out with "Christians" I got sucked into all things "Christian".  I decided to homeschool my girls to save them from the evil public schoolers (actually, homeschooling become unschooling which became a "good thing" but I digress).  I became obsessed with shielding my children from all the "worldly" things that might harm them.  TV, music, who their friends were all had to be carefully evaluated to make sure it was what God would want for my children.   I even made them skip Halloween for a few years.  Something my children never let me forget. 

In recent years we've been involved in a Christian homeschooling cooperative.   The hypocrisy I have seen there has been amazing.  These people, who profess love in their hearts for all, have really shown themselves to be the most judgmental people I have even known.  I never saw judgment much until I became a "Christian".  It's one thing as a Christian to believe Christianity is the way, quite another to think your own version of "Christianity" is the only way.  Who knew there was so much division just among "Christians"?  It isn't enough to be a believer, one must believe a certain way.  Every denomination seems to think they have the lock on the "truth". They also believe they get to judge how our children dress, how much make-up they wear and whether or not they should be allowed to date or (gasp) have a boyfriend!   

I've grown tired of it.  I've grown tired of trying to see where I fit into the puzzle that is Christianity.  When we as a family were actually going to church, a "Christian" church, we didn't necessarily believe everything being taught.  When we spoke to some other members about this dilemma, we were told that most people don't believe everything taught in a specific church, one was supposed to take the good and discard the bad.  We were told we'd never find a "perfect" church.  HUH?  At the time I didn't think much about that statement, but looking back, I think why go somewhere if you don't agree with what is being taught? 

Since leaving our former church, I have considered going back to the Catholic church.  But I can't.  The patriarchal attitude is more than I can take, and I don't want my girls growing up under patriarchy.  And the more I research other churches, the more I realize I just don't think I will fit in anywhere.  I just have too many disagreements with what they believe, and I don't want to go to a church and have to pick and choose, again, what I believe in. 

Anne Rice, the author, recently announced she was quitting Christianity.  She just can't reconcile what she believes (and she believes in God, Jesus and the Bible) and what the churches teach.  So she's given up on church.  I think I need to give up on church too.  I haven't given up on God, or Jesus.  But I am giving up on church.  There is too much falsehood, too much hypocrisy, too much judgement, too many cliques, too much prying into my life at church.  I have been happier since leaving church, surprisingly enough.  Since I stopped my quest of feeling like I "have" to go to church, that I "have" to be in community, blah, blah, blah, I feel less stressed, more free to be me.  And I think God is ok with it too.  

Not all religion is to be found in the church, any more than all knowledge is found in the classroom.  

~Author Unknown~

Everyday people are straying away from the church and going back to God.  

~Lennie Bruce~

Other People's Blogs

I stumbled upon this woman's blog a while back and I just love her writing. She says so much of what I'd like to say if I was only a better writer. She writes of coming out of patriarchy, among other things, (particularly about being a mom and her kids), but I really like her religion/God posts the best. I really agreed with this post and thought I'd share.

Oh, and this is a good one too!

Women and Men are Equals?

I've been reading a lot lately about patriarchy and women's rights and feminism, etc. I still have a lot in my brain to think about and a lot more I wish to read. But I had a bit of an epiphany the other day and thought I better write it down before I forget it! (Been forgetting things lately, old age seems to be creeping in).

Anyway, while I was thinking about God and whether He is really a He or is He a combo of a He and a She, seeing as the Bible says in Genesis 1:27:

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

How could God create a woman in his own image unless He also had some attributes of a woman?

In John 24 God is referred to as Spirit. While Jesus was referred to as a man, God is always referred to as spirit. Does a spirit have the attributes of a man, female or both, or none? If God is spirit, then how and why did He come to be known only as He?

There are so many passages in the bible where God takes on the attributes of women. He refers to birth pains (sorry men, only women have birth pains). He also talks of caring for children the way a mother does, Isaiah 66:13 -

"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you;"

So anyway, these are things I have been thinking about and praying about which brings me to my epiphany. While meditating/praying on these things the other day, I came to the conclusion that women have been fighting the wrong battle. It is not for us to prove that we are like men to be equal. I don't want to be like a man. And I don't believe I am meant to be a like a man. I was born a woman and meant to be a woman. We can be equal but different. We don't need to be like men to be equal. We need to be respected as equals for who we are, not what we can change ourselves to be.

We were made in God's image just as men were. Not to be below, not to be above, but to be equal, to come alongside each other, for each other.

Believe nothing merely because you have been told it.
Do not believe what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher.
But whatever, after due examination and analysis,
you find to be kind, conducive to the good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings -
that doctrine believe and cling to, and take it as your guide.

Buddha

The Duggar Family

My kids are into this show about the Duggar family. They currently have 18 children, and the mom hasn't ruled out another one. It's all very interesting to watch, they are a very wholesome family, very religious and the kids are homeschooled and sheltered. The oldest kids (make that the oldest girls) are expected to help mom with the young ones. The boys are expected to grow up and find a woman so they can have a household to be in charge of.

Their oldest son just got married. They did a whole show just on the wedding. The Duggar boy and his fiance didn't do anything other than hold hands until their wedding day. They wouldn't even full frontal hug, just those side hugs, lest a girls breast might brush up against him and cause some sort of sinful thinking. This stuff had my daughters, 11 and 13, in hysterics. Even at their young age, they can't believe two people would marry each other having only held each others hands. They were never even allowed alone together. They had chaperone's everywhere they went.

How can you really make the decision to marry someone before you've even kissed them? I know a lot of Christians who believe in the whole courtship model of dating. Actually dating isn't allowed. Basically, they are raising their kids to seek out the one they want to marry, but they are not allowed to date anyone to find this out. I'm not even sure exactly how this works. Maybe you see a cute boy at church (is that sin, thinking he's cute, is that lust in your heart?) And then I guess you tell your sister, who tells her best friend, who's brother knows the cute boy that you think he's cute? Or maybe the girl isn't allowed to do anything. They have to sit around and wait for prince charming to come over and ask Daddy if he can marry his daughter.

During the show about the wedding, the bride's father was interviewed and he talked about how he has had "authority" (I hate that word) over his daughter until the wedding day, and now he was handing that authority over to the Duggar boy. Gag me! Does this girl ever get to have authority over her own life? Part of the vows were also that they would allow God to decide how many children they would have. Basically telling everyone in attendance and all of America watching that they won't be using birth control. Maybe the Duggar boy liked coming from a family of 18 and counting, but this girl doesn't even get a choice. Her life has been decided for her by her father and then her new husband. She will become a baby-maker. Now I have nothing against babies, I love babies, I had two. But this is it for her. She has gotten married. Her job now is to serve her husband and pop out all the children he wants. And maybe at 18-20 years old, when all you've done is lived under your fathers roof and waited for prince charming to show up, it sounds wonderful and exciting. But how do you feel at 40, when you have 10 kids, and you realize your youth is gone and you think about all the things you could have done and never got the chance to do? Maybe that realization never comes for some, those who fall under the spell of the patriarchal model of religion. The wife knows her place, is never allowed to fraternize with those who might fill her mind with things of the world, so she remains sheltered, under the rule of her husband. Ignorance is bliss I suppose.

I have had many conversations with Christian friends about letting my daughters date. I plan to let them date (shocker!). I don't even mind if they kiss a boy or two (heathen!) And I don't want them to go right from my house to their husbands house. I want them to decide for themselves what they want to their lives to be. How can they know what they want if they never learn what they don't want? And the only way to know what you don't want is by getting to know someone a little. I remember going on a few dates, and the guys seemed nice enough, and then when we kissed they made my skin crawl. Can you imagine finding out on your wedding day that your husbands kiss makes your skin crawl?

I hate to judge, and that's not what I am trying to do here. I just know far too many girls who will be under their fathers "authority" until the father decides to hand that authority over to some guy he wants his daughter to marry. I know these parents didn't live that way until they got married. Why was it ok for these parents to date, and now they won't allow their children to? It seems to me they have a lack of trust in their children. They must control every move they make until they are safely ensconced in marriage. How sad. At least it is to me.