Stop Being Mean to Your Kids!!!!!!!

“Feelings are real and legitimate; children behave and misbehave for a reason, even if adults cannot figure it out.”

So I was in Kohl's last week.  Casually browsing through the men's Hawaiian shirts, trying to find the perfect shirt for Father's Day.  It was early, 10:30 am, and the store was not yet crowded, so I was alone in the menswear dept.  And then I heard it, a small child, crying/whining "But I'm tired!"  And then I heard the mom say in her meanest voice ever "THERE ARE NO CARTS WITH SEATS! YOU HAVE TO WALK!!!!!!!". 

The voices got louder, I knew they were heading my way, but still could not see this little family amongst all the racks of clothing.  The girl kept crying "Mama, I'm tired!"  The mom kept bitching "You are 3 years old!  You have legs and can WALK!"  

Finally they walked past where I was perusing my shirts.  All single file.  First the mom, mid 30's probably, looking very stern.  Then the 3 year old, just a tiny thing, all hunched over, dragging her feet, rubbing her eyes.  Crying.  Then a third person, another girl, probably 7 or 8, walking along not saying a peep, just looking sad. 

I wanted to pick up the 3 year old and give her a little squeeze and tell her "I know you are tired, I'm sorry your mom dragged you to this store".  But I just kept looking at my shirts, and cringing every time this mom yelled at her 3 year old for being tired.  I wanted to tell this mom that her time with her 3 year old will be over in a flash, and that her daughter was the most precious thing right now, not shopping, and that she should pick her up and give her a squeeze, and then maybe she'd more happily walk along.  Or if she was really tired (I know my toddlers often woke up at 5-6am!), how hard would it be to carry her along, this was a tiny 3 year old, not a big hulking one. 

But I said nothing.  I don't think if I had it would have been well received.  The older girl seemed sad, either the mom had been bitching at her kids all morning, or she just wasn't an overall nice mom.  Seems the older daughter had already learned the drill, keep your emotions hidden, don't voice your concerns.  Just follow along and tow the line.  Sad really.

I see this too often.  Parent's dragging their kids here and there, the kids are tired, the parent's are yelling at them.  Why does a child deserve to be yelled at for being tired and sharing their feelings?  This is why kids shut down and learn not to feel.  They have been raised by people who don't honor them, or their feelings or care about what they think.  This is why people eat too much and smoke and drink and do drugs and shop, etc.  They were taught to shut off their emotions as kids, to stay out of trouble or to avoid being yelled at.  If you have lost touch with your emotions, you don't know who you are or what you are feeling.  If you don't know those things, you look for outside things to make you feel better. 

I'm no shrink, but I have been there.  I was often told as a child what to feel.  If I cried I was told not to cry.  If I was slapped and cried I was told it didn't hurt.  If something happened I was told it wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be. 

No one knows what someone else is feeling and no one else has the right to tell someone else how to feel.  EVER!  

Even a 3 year old knows what they feel.  Until someone bigger and stronger tells them, over and over, that they aren't feeling what they think they are.  Then they begin to question themselves, until they no longer feel. 

Wake up parents!  

"Feelings are everywhere - be gentle."

The Poor Animals

God made all the creatures and gave them our love and our fear,To give sign, we and they are His children, one family here.

~Robert Browning~

I started a new volunteering job yesterday. I have worked with a local Humane organization, AOHS, for a few years now. I started out helping them with their annual dinner/fundraiser, and then my daughters and I volunteered to clean cages and socialize kitties that they keep at local Petsmart stores. (They are rotated in and out of the stores if they don't get adopted quickly, so they aren't in cages forever.) This organization does not have a shelter. Cats are kept in foster homes and brought to local pet stores for adoption events.

Anyway, after I had to deal with my leg issues last winter, I had to stop cleaning the cages for a while. Recently they posted that they needed someone to help answer calls for their relinquish line. This is the number people call if they have found cats or want to get rid of the ones they currently own. There's a woman who has done this by herself for quite a while, and she needed a few days off each week. So I agreed to answer the calls on Monday's and Tuesday's.

Basically all I have to do is call into the mailbox, listen to the messages, call the people back and try to offer them solutions and then log the call online. I just started this yesterday and I am already losing faith in mankind!

I have taken 14 calls in the last two days. There was a call from a woman who said her neighbor moved out 2 days ago and left their cats behind. An unfixed adult male and female, and a kitten. (Wonder why there was a kitten? (Hello, ever heard of spay and neuter?) She and some neighbors were feeding the cats, but didn't think they should be left outside. We were able to take the kitten and place it into one of our foster homes with another litter, the 2 adults will have to go to the local animal control where they may or may not get euthanized. Who moves and leaves their animals behind????? Too many people unfortunately.

Another woman had a 5 year old Purebred Angora cat. She'd had it for all it's life, but has just now decided that since it doesn't get along well with her other cats, she doesn't want it anymore. How can you just stop caring for an animal you've had for 5 years? It didn't have behavior problems, just didn't like the other cats in the house. I was able to pass her off to a breed rescue, but I feel sorry for that cat, who has to leave it's home, because the owner just grew tired of her.

There were several calls from people who were moving and didn't want to take their cats with them. Is it the cats fault that their owners had to move? I gave them suggestions of other shelters to call, suggested asking friends and relatives to take them, or even putting an ad in the paper. I begged them to not just leave their cats behind if they can't find them homes. Better to call the local animal control, then leave them defenseless and starving.

Another woman called to say she had found a cat, fixed and de-clawed, friendly, appeared to be a happy house cat. She had it in her garage. She had already called the police and other shelters to see if someone reported it missing. No one had. There was nothing wrong with this cat! Could this be another move and throw away?

I am saddened by what I learned in just the last 2 days. The other woman who answers the line did tell me this could be depressing. It isn't so much depressing as it is infuriating. Animals bond to us, they have feelings. I have taken in two strays and they are so much more appreciative of their lot than my two pampered purebreeds. It is as if they know they almost didn't have a chance and we gave them one. One of my strays was a fixed and de-clawed cat that was obviously someones at one point. I wonder if his owner moved away and decided to throw him to the wolves, so to speak. He was skin and bones when we found him, so we know he was out a while.

I want to take these people and kick them to the curb for a few days and see how they feel? Let them stay out in the rain and have to scrounge for food. How can you reach people who think animals are disposable? It's obviously not easy seeing as homeless animals are a huge problem for society. We have at least 4 shelter based rescues in our county, and our local animal control. All of them are full at this time. Hundreds of animals with no one to adopt them, and more out on the streets with no where to go. I hope I am doing my small part by helping take these calls. I did convince one woman to keep a kitten that was left behind when a man was evicted from his home. I spoke with another woman who was overwhelmed at the thought of moving to Florida and driving her cats down there. I told her how she could manage in the car, what she would have to do. I tried to persuade her to keep her cats. She at least said she'd think about it.
I'm only one person. but I'm doing my best. I'm not even hoping for everyone else to their best, but I wish they would at least agree to continue to care for the animals they brought into their homes.

If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men.

~St. Francis of Assisi~

Beastie's

God made all the creatures and gave them our love and our fear,To give sign, we and they are His children, one family here.

~Robert Browning~

I have a new beastie in my yard. It's a Groundhog, aka Woodchuck, aka Whistlepig......yes Whistlepig.....who knew?

So on top of the squirrels, mice, birds, raccoons, possums, (stray cats) and the occasional skunk, we now have a Groundhog. We didn't mow our lawn for a while (we've had lots of rain in Illinois ; ) and so we had some clover growing. Groundhogs like clover. I was looking into my backyard a week or so ago, and there he was, munching on the clover in my un-mowed backyard.

Here he is....isn't he cute?

Not a great picture, we had to take it through the window because every time we opened the door he ran away. But you get the idea.

I am still amazed at how much wildlife I have around here. I live in town, just a few streets away from a major roadway. It is an established neighborhood, our house is over 50 years old. I'm happy that I can still provide a bit of an oasis to my little beastie friends. They are slowly running out of places to live. I think they've been spreading the word that my yard is the place to be.

Because the heart beats under a covering of hair, of fur, feathers, or wings, it is, for that reason, to be of no account?

~Jean Paul Richter~

Teacher Abuse

If we don't stand up for children, then we don't stand for much.

~Marian Wright Edelman~

Some disturbing things are coming to light in the schools recently. In most recent news, a Kindergartner brought a tape recorder to school, placed in his pants pocket by his parents, so they could hear what was really going on in their child's classroom. It certainly enlightened them to the verbal abuse their child was suffering.

Locally, there has been a case going on involving a substitute teacher who decided to duct tape the arms, legs and mouths of two Special Ed. boys who were acting up. And then he duct taped them to a chair.

Then there's the one with the teacher who decided to have her class vote another student out of the class. The students even got to take turns telling him what they didn't like about him. This teacher takes the cake, because she got her students in on the abuse.

I've read other cases in the past. Teachers verbally abusing students. I'm sure many of us have our own stories to tell about abusive teachers from our youth. If you link to the articles, what I find most disturbing of all are the comments from people who side with the teachers. Some of the comments are downright sickening. Some people think the children deserved to be treated that way. When does a 5 year old ever deserve to be talked to that way? Even if the boy has some behavior problems, how in the world does emotionally abusing him help to solve those problems? When does a child deserve to be voted out of his class? When does a child deserve to be duct taped to his seat?

Parents entrust their children to people they don't really know for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. That's a lot of time and a lot of influence. How many parents don't have any idea what is going on in their child's classroom? How many parents don't believe their children when they come home and say their teacher is mean? My children don't attend school. I don't think anyone's children should attend school, personally. No one can care for or love my child the way I do. Ever heard the phrase "children learn what they live?". Well, they live school. They learn school. What sticks in their heads is what is told or taught to them day after day sitting captive in a classroom. So if a teacher is constantly telling them they are trouble, they are pathetic, they are not worth his or her time, what is that child going to believe? And when immature teachers actually enlist the other students to join in, then it really must be true because everyone is saying it. Ouch. And we wonder why so many kids commit suicide.

Words hurt. Really hurt. Children's developing psyches are fragile things. Kindergarten is a time when some children get their first view of the world outside their home. When they are hurt by that world, what do they take away from that? Not to trust, not to care, not to try or believe in themselves. That they are worthless.

I am sickened by how our society treats it's children, as is evident by the comments section of these articles. There are of course a few voices who stood up for the children, but unfortunately there were far too many for the other side. IT IS NEVER RIGHT TO HURT A CHILD! NEVER, NEVER, NEVER! Children are not little adults. They view their world in an entirely different way than we do. They process information differently and they have fewer realms of experience to pull from. They need to be shown how to be compassionate, kind, loving. They need to have someone spend time with them and show them the way. If they struggle, they need help with their struggles, not shame and ridicule. We would never allow an adult to treat another adult that way in the same setting. The adult wouldn't put up with it. Adults can stand up for themselves, children can't.

I'm not sure how to solve this problem. Obviously people aren't pulling their children out of the schools (although I wish they would). I have a feeling that these adults, who treat children like this, probably were treated poorly themselves as a child. They figure that they survived it, so what's the big deal? The big deal is that they didn't survive it, look how they grew up. Look how they have learned to treat their fellow man. If a teacher is burned out, then they should leave the profession. If they cannot control their mouths or emotions, then they should not be allowed in the classroom with children ever again. Of course the institution itself doesn't help the situation. But that's a whole other can of worms for another time.

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.

~Stacia Tauscher~