Christians and "Christians"

Man is a Religious Animal.  He is the only Religious Animal.  He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them.  He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight.  He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven.  

~Mark Twain~

 

A little background:  I grew up Catholic.  Born, baptised, reconciled, communed, confirmed, Catholic.  Cradle Catholic as many like to call us.  Back then, Catholics didn't read the bible, they didn't do much other than show up for church on Sunday.  So by the time I was 16 or so, I was done with Catholicism and most religion.  I went through the motions when my girls were born, had them baptised Catholic, to save their souls and all that.  But around 1999, I started hanging with "Christians".  

Catholics like to call themselves Christians, but over time I have come to see that there are Christians and there are "Christians" and never the twain shall meet.  They are just two different animals.  I have decided that Christians are the normal, everyday folk, who believe in God, believe in Jesus, go to church on Sunday, but live in and with the rest of the world.  "Christians" on the other hand, are those who go to church as many days during the weeks as possible, go to every church retreat, every church event, and try to mingle with "others" as little as possible.  People outside the church are "scary", threatening, not like them.     

When I started hanging out with "Christians" I got sucked into all things "Christian".  I decided to homeschool my girls to save them from the evil public schoolers (actually, homeschooling become unschooling which became a "good thing" but I digress).  I became obsessed with shielding my children from all the "worldly" things that might harm them.  TV, music, who their friends were all had to be carefully evaluated to make sure it was what God would want for my children.   I even made them skip Halloween for a few years.  Something my children never let me forget. 

In recent years we've been involved in a Christian homeschooling cooperative.   The hypocrisy I have seen there has been amazing.  These people, who profess love in their hearts for all, have really shown themselves to be the most judgmental people I have even known.  I never saw judgment much until I became a "Christian".  It's one thing as a Christian to believe Christianity is the way, quite another to think your own version of "Christianity" is the only way.  Who knew there was so much division just among "Christians"?  It isn't enough to be a believer, one must believe a certain way.  Every denomination seems to think they have the lock on the "truth". They also believe they get to judge how our children dress, how much make-up they wear and whether or not they should be allowed to date or (gasp) have a boyfriend!   

I've grown tired of it.  I've grown tired of trying to see where I fit into the puzzle that is Christianity.  When we as a family were actually going to church, a "Christian" church, we didn't necessarily believe everything being taught.  When we spoke to some other members about this dilemma, we were told that most people don't believe everything taught in a specific church, one was supposed to take the good and discard the bad.  We were told we'd never find a "perfect" church.  HUH?  At the time I didn't think much about that statement, but looking back, I think why go somewhere if you don't agree with what is being taught? 

Since leaving our former church, I have considered going back to the Catholic church.  But I can't.  The patriarchal attitude is more than I can take, and I don't want my girls growing up under patriarchy.  And the more I research other churches, the more I realize I just don't think I will fit in anywhere.  I just have too many disagreements with what they believe, and I don't want to go to a church and have to pick and choose, again, what I believe in. 

Anne Rice, the author, recently announced she was quitting Christianity.  She just can't reconcile what she believes (and she believes in God, Jesus and the Bible) and what the churches teach.  So she's given up on church.  I think I need to give up on church too.  I haven't given up on God, or Jesus.  But I am giving up on church.  There is too much falsehood, too much hypocrisy, too much judgement, too many cliques, too much prying into my life at church.  I have been happier since leaving church, surprisingly enough.  Since I stopped my quest of feeling like I "have" to go to church, that I "have" to be in community, blah, blah, blah, I feel less stressed, more free to be me.  And I think God is ok with it too.  

Not all religion is to be found in the church, any more than all knowledge is found in the classroom.  

~Author Unknown~

Everyday people are straying away from the church and going back to God.  

~Lennie Bruce~

Other People's Blogs

I stumbled upon this woman's blog a while back and I just love her writing. She says so much of what I'd like to say if I was only a better writer. She writes of coming out of patriarchy, among other things, (particularly about being a mom and her kids), but I really like her religion/God posts the best. I really agreed with this post and thought I'd share.

Oh, and this is a good one too!

Women and Men are Equals?

I've been reading a lot lately about patriarchy and women's rights and feminism, etc. I still have a lot in my brain to think about and a lot more I wish to read. But I had a bit of an epiphany the other day and thought I better write it down before I forget it! (Been forgetting things lately, old age seems to be creeping in).

Anyway, while I was thinking about God and whether He is really a He or is He a combo of a He and a She, seeing as the Bible says in Genesis 1:27:

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

How could God create a woman in his own image unless He also had some attributes of a woman?

In John 24 God is referred to as Spirit. While Jesus was referred to as a man, God is always referred to as spirit. Does a spirit have the attributes of a man, female or both, or none? If God is spirit, then how and why did He come to be known only as He?

There are so many passages in the bible where God takes on the attributes of women. He refers to birth pains (sorry men, only women have birth pains). He also talks of caring for children the way a mother does, Isaiah 66:13 -

"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you;"

So anyway, these are things I have been thinking about and praying about which brings me to my epiphany. While meditating/praying on these things the other day, I came to the conclusion that women have been fighting the wrong battle. It is not for us to prove that we are like men to be equal. I don't want to be like a man. And I don't believe I am meant to be a like a man. I was born a woman and meant to be a woman. We can be equal but different. We don't need to be like men to be equal. We need to be respected as equals for who we are, not what we can change ourselves to be.

We were made in God's image just as men were. Not to be below, not to be above, but to be equal, to come alongside each other, for each other.

Believe nothing merely because you have been told it.
Do not believe what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher.
But whatever, after due examination and analysis,
you find to be kind, conducive to the good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings -
that doctrine believe and cling to, and take it as your guide.

Buddha

Thursday Night Funny

Here's another stolen bit of humor. I don't who wrote this, but I enjoyed it and thought I'd share.


Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several lines of code streaming up the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.

Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he had come up with.

Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."

"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished. and stutters, "But how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"

God chuckles, "Jesus saves."

Churchianity

That's a nifty word. I first read it over at Stephanie's blog, and I like it. She said she didn't make it up, I don't know who did, but I am stealing it.

I have been having deep thoughts (remember that guy on Saturday Night Live that used to do Deep Thoughts..........), I am so easily distracted!

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot lately about my "Christianity". I grew up Catholic. I went to church, I received most of my sacraments. I believed in God, Jesus, the Holy spirit. I prayed. But I didn't go around making sure everyone knew I was a Christian, I didn't feel like everything I did had to be based on being a Christian and I didn't feel like a sinner if I did something un-Christian.

I became a "born-again" Christian in 2000. I fell hook, line and sinker for the life of a Christian. I stopped listening to anything but Christian music. I stopped hanging out with non-Christian friends. I censored everything my girls watched on tv. I even made my girls stop Halloween for a few years. Looking back, I almost feel like I was sucked into a cult. In the summer of 2002, I was seriously burned by a woman in my church whom I worked for at her pre-school. (Long story, I'll tell it at another time). That was the beginning of my realization that maybe this "Christian" way of living isn't really all it's cracked up to be. Then in June of 2004 my mother died. This Christian church, where I was supposed to be part of a family, virtually ignored me and my family while I was dealing with the grief of losing my mom. (Another long story, for another time). My sister, who is not a Christian, was treated better by her "secular" friends than I was by my 'Church family". So that just added to the discontent I was feeling.

It took me another 3 years of just feeling like I didn't belong before I seriously began looking at my situation. Finally I went to my last service in December of 2007. My girls were the ones who asked to stop going. Seems this Christian church we went to was very cliquey. My girls could see favoritism all around them, and girls who certainly did not show a Christian heart to others. I wasn't happy, they weren't happy, none of us were getting anything but misery from going, so we stopped. And I am not sorry we did.

So I have been thinking a lot about church and Christianity for the last year. Trying to decide if I need to find another church. Is that what God wants? All of us in a church, pretending to be things we aren't to please man? That's what I felt like in church. That I had to pretend to be something I wasn't. Everyone would tell me that once I accepted Jesus as my savior, my life would be transformed, I would be a new creation, I wouldn't want to be like my old self. Well, didn't God make my old self? I had believed in him since I was a child. I had gone to church and prayed to him all my life. Why did I need to be a new creation? Was he mad at the old one? Then why did he make me that way? Does it really make me sinner to say sh**? Or even the F word? Am I sinner if I like Heavy Metal music and listen to Ozzy Osbourne? Does God really grieve if I have a beer or two? I was convinced for a while to believe everything I did was wrong. I don't buy it anymore.

I still love God and believe Jesus died for me as much as I ever did. But I don't think everything I do grieves him. I don't believe it is wrong to associate with non-Christians. And sadly enough, I am usually treated better by non-Christians than I am by Christians. So called "Christians" are so caught up in their self-righteousness they no longer show a joyful heart. It's all about who is doing what wrong, and what they need to do to prove themselves worthy before the Lord. They are all about judgment and worry and really, disappointment and anger. The more I hang around with Christians, the more unhappiness I see. And I don't think it is because they are Christians. I still consider myself to be one, even though I can find no where in the Bible where God calls us to become "Christians". We are called to followed Jesus, not become something with a name. I think the unhappiness stems from the churches. From the rules and regulations and restrictions that churches (man) seem to think we all need to follow to be "saved".

Which is why I like the term "Churchianity". I think that is what Christianity has become. It's not about following Jesus and focusing on others and spreading the good news. It's about policing members lives and calling people out for their sins and making everyone feel bad. We were never called by God to go to a church. The church is the people of God. It was never meant to be a place or another institution like it has become. It has become a place for man to elevate himself and put himself in a position over others, when in reality we are all equal before the Lord.

I could go on and on about this. I have really put a lot of thought into it. But I am not done yet. I feel God talking to me (not literally, I'm not a loon), but I do get the sense that dropping out of my church was fine with him. I am figuring out my relationship to him on my own terms. And I think he's ok with that.

Change

The NaBloPoMo theme for this month is change. I am so tired of hearing about change. Just yesterday I had to deal with this woman where I clean offices with a friend of mine. The woman in question is the receptionist. She has articles and pictures of Obama all around her desk. One is hand drawn. I should have known better, but while cleaning her desk yesterday I happened to ask her if she drew the picture herself. Well, that just opened the flood gates. I got to hear about how her husband drew it for her because he knows how much she loves Obama. She went on and on about how he is her savior and how he is going to save us all and our country, blah, blah, blah. I smiled and got the heck away from her as fast I could.

I have a problem with people looking to Obama as "the Savior". We have only one savior, and Obama isn't it. Aren't we told not to put our faith in men? (or women)?

Psalm 118:8
It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.

Psalm 146:3
Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save.

Isaiah 2:22
Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?


I think we are in for some hard times in our country. I think some people refuse to see the truth before their eyes. Obama isn't going to be different, he's a politician, just like all politicians. Look at the people he has chosen to surround himself with, the people he has chosen for his cabinet. No big change makers there. I think our country will be less secure with him in charge. I think we will go deeper and deeper into debt. I think our morals will continue to slide into the abyss. I think the only thing we can trust in is the Lord.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5)


The first half of this these next few verses is a warning, but the goodness of the Lord shows through at the end:

Jeremiah 17:5-8:
5 This is what the LORD says: "Cursed are those who trust in mortals, who depend on flesh for their strength and whose hearts turn away from the LORD. 6 They will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes. They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives.

7 "But blessed are those who trust in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. 8 They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

Those of us who believe in the Lord, who trust in the Lord need to stand strong in the storm that may come. We must let the world know that we still believe the USA is governed by God, first and foremost, not by man. We need to pray, and ask God to give wisdom to those in charge of our country, but to never forget who is really in control.

Happy 2009

My prayers for the new year:

May this be a better year than so many are predicting.

May people keep their jobs.

May no one go hungry.

May there be some semblance of peace in our world.

May our children stay safe and healthy.

May our new President make wise choices.

May we all remember to count our blessings and not our misfortunes.

And may we always remember to whom our thankfulness is due, Jesus, our Lord. Without him we have no hope, without him we have no future. With him we have no fear, with him we have new life.

Wishing all my family and friends blessings in 2009.

Glory to God in highest heaven,

Who unto man His Son hath given;

While angels sing with tender mirth,

A glad new year to all the earth.

~Martin Luther~

The Shack

I must admit, I was hesitant to read this book. I am one who easily falls prey to the naysayers. There are a lot of negative comments about this book in Internet land.

But there are also plenty of positive. This book really made me think. It also made me feel loved. At times it brought me to tears and really touched my heart. I have been questioning my faith lately, well, not my faith really but religion. What I have been told, what I have been taught. I have never doubted that God or Jesus existed, just wasn't too sure what man turned him into.

I highly recommend everyone read this book. Religious or not, believer or not. It will give you a new fresh perspective on things. It isn't new age, it isn't trying to teach a new religion. It's a fictional book, showing how we can all get back to the most important thing, a relationship with our Lord.

Some links to look at: The Shack Book, You may want to save this one for after you read the book: Is The Shack Heresy?

Aging

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?

~Satchel Paige~

I still live in the town I grew up in. I still have a few friends from high school that I see regularly. I think because I have continued to see them, they still look the same to me. It's different when I run into people I haven't seen in 20 years.

While shopping today I saw someone I went to high school with. I wasn't really friends with her, she was in the class below me. But I knew who she was. When I saw her I knew it was her. It looked just liked her. Except (wait for it.....) She looked REALLY OLD!!!!!!

I can't comprehend this old thing. I see myself everyday and I don't think I look old. I see my sister (who is 5 years older than me) and my friends who are the same age as me....and I don't think we look old. But then I run into someone I haven't seen in years and she looks old. And it wasn't just this woman. Every time I see someone from high school whom I haven't seen in 20 years, they look old to me. Which must mean I look old to them.

I don't feel old. Sure some days my body hurts in places it never used to. I certainly don't have the physique I had 20 years ago, but my brain, it feels the same. When I look at myself, aside from the grey hair and the laugh lines, I look the same. At least I think I do...(I suppose my hubby may beg to differ). How did I get to be 40 years old?

I can't understand people who say every birthday is their 29th. I am not a fan of plastic surgery. I do think I can grow old gracefully. It's not the looking old or even the number that bothers me. It's the actual aging......getting old. I just can't wrap my mind around it. I can't imagine myself in 20 years. When I am 60 will I still think I look the same? Will I still think I feel the same? Do you ever reach a point where it hits you that you are just not the same person you were when you were 20? Because I know right now at 40, I still feel like the same person.

I'm afraid of getting old. I don't want to die. I don't want to even think about dying. It scares the crap out of me. I know as a Christian I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I throw myself into a panic attack every time I think about getting old and dying. I have this brain that needs to know. I need to know exactly what is going to happen. I need assurance. I am freaked out about the whole idea of forever and forever. How can something be forever and ever? How can God have no beginning and no end? Everything has a beginning and an end. These are the thoughts that keep me up at night.

So I just go on doing what I do. Living day to day. I don't like to think too far into the future, because the future is unknown and I don't do well with the unknown. I know the end will come for me. It comes for everyone. That's just the way it is. (Freaking out here!) And the way I feel time flying by, I know it will be sooner than I think. I feel like my first 40 years went by so quickly, and I am sure the last 40 will feel twice as fast. Maybe I can make it to 100, and so maybe I have 60 more years to look forward to. Maybe I am not at the 1/2 way point yet. Maybe I need to keep telling myself that. Even if my body starts to fail me, I wonder if I will still feel 20 in my mind when I am 100?

The great secret that all old people share is that you really haven't changed in seventy or eighty years. Your body changes, but you don't change at all. And that, of course, causes great confusion.

~Doris Lessing~

Being a "Christian"

God does not lead all His servants by one road, nor in one way, nor at one time; for God is in all things; and that man is not serving God aright, who can only serve Him in his own self-chosen way.

~ John Tauler~

After writing my last post I got to thinking. Here is part of my dilemma: I feel as if I am not Christian enough for my Christian friends, and am too Christian for my non-Christian friends. I am a sinner, I know that. I have accepted the Lord and feel I am saved. I don't try to shove it down people's throats everywhere I go. I am not afraid for my children to mix and mingle with "non-Christians". I'm not sure where I stand on creationism. I do believe God created the world, not sure I believe it word for word how the Bible says it happened. I believe Catholics are Christians. (I know a lot of Christians who don't). I am not teaching my daughters that they have to submit to a man. I want them to be respected and be equals. If THEY should choose a relationship where they want to be submissive (I hope they don't personally), I want it to be their choice, not because MAN has interpreted the Bible his way and tells them they must submit to be a "Good Christian Wife". I don't teach my children that they must obey me and not question. I don't tell them them they don't have the right "heart" if they do something begrudgingly. I try to treat them as equals, because that is how I see them. They are people, just like me. I am not greater than they are, and I don't believe the Bible says I am. I don't believe "spare the rod" means to beat your children. I don't believe there is any place in the Bible that commands parents to hit their children. I could go on and on, but you must get my point. These are issues than can really divide some Christians.

So as I continue to wander in the desert, I need to figure out what I do truly believe and what I don't. Some would tell me to just believe every single thing written in the Bible. But do they really mean that? Do they really think everything written in the Old Testament is meant to be interpreted and applied literally to today? Some people say the New Testament trumps the old, some say the entire book is meant to be followed. It seems no matter how well schooled, no matter how Holy people feel they are, many people interpret the Bible in different ways. Even among Christians there are many schools of thought regarding the meanings in the Bible. Maybe one doesn't need schooling to figure it all out. (What an unschooley thought : ) Maybe one just needs to open their heart and have the Lord speak directly to them. Which is what I am trying to do in my desert.

A rule I have had for years is: to treat the Lord Jesus Christ as a personal friend. His is not a creed, a mere doctrine, but it is He Himself we have.

Dwight L. Moody 1837-1899, American Evangelist

Church?

Not all religion is to be found in the church, any more than all knowledge is found in the classroom.

~Author Unknown~

I haven't been to my church since last December. (It is a non-denominational Christian church.) And the only reason I went then was because my youngest daughter wanted to see the Christmas play. She wasn't in it, which is one of the reasons I don't want to go back to my church. You see it's very cliquey there. I started going in 1999. I was a Catholic, searching for something more. I did find it there for a little while. But I soon came to see the hierarchy of those who attended. There are a lot of "popular" people in my church. A lot of them are musicians. It's very musical/theatrical. It seems to really raise on a pedestal those who are musicians. It also seems to favor those who have been around for a very long time. And those who seem to have the "fire of the Lord" in them. If you can't play music then you must be extremely Holy. If you are neither of those, you tend to stay on the fringes. But there is still one more chance for you if the other two fail. You just need to get in with the right crowd. You need to become friends with the popular people. I had enough of that stuff in high school.

So I finally got to the point where I just didn't want to have to deal with the theatrics and the cliques on Sunday morning. It was distracting to me, and it was beginning to affect my children. See, the children of the favored ones were also cliquey. So my daughters got overlooked for things like Christmas plays and VBS skits. My oldest didn't have any friends in her junior high group. They didn't want to go anymore, and I couldn't blame them. I didn't want to go anymore either. So I haven't and neither have they. My DH still goes because he is a musician and he likes to play with the band. So now he goes by himself.

Isn't it a shame that I have to feel this way about a Christian church? Why is it that Christians can act so un-Christian towards other Christians?

I'm not sure how I should proceed from here. If the Catholics weren't so Catholic, I think I would like to go back there. I miss the reverence of a Catholic church. But I don't agree with a lot of their beliefs, and I don't want to have to tell my children what they should believe and what they should discard. But that is a big part of the problem. I have disagreements with a lot of what many church's practice. So what to do? Well for now, I do nothing. I still discuss the bible and the Lord with my girls. They have quite a bit of biblical knowledge, in their heads and in their hearts. So they appear to me to be on the right path. It would be nice to find a church body where I feel we'd fit, and my girls could be part of a youth community. But I just can't see how to make that happen.

Which bring me back to the bible. Are we really called to "join a church"? Or are we called to be part of the body of believers? I am still a believer, so doesn't that still make me part of the body? I know it is God's will that we join together with others. Can I not just join together with my family for a while? I think so, which is why I haven't been to church since last December. It's funny how much less stress I feel not going to church. And in a funny way I feel closer to God not going. I often was at odds with things preached and practiced in my church, so how can one feel close to the Lord when one doesn't even agree with what is being taught?

I know what I beleive and I know what I don't believe. I know I am a Christian and I know I am saved. As far as going back to a church, I think I'll just wander here in the desert for a while.

Everyday people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

~Lennie Bruce, The Essential Lennie Bruce, 1972~