Kindergarten

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.
~Stacia Tauscher~

I belong to several yahoo chat groups on unschooling. We have recently been discussing this article: Kindergarten Cram. If you don't feel like going to the link, the gist of it is Kindergartner's are now suffering through homework and testing. Egads!

Kindergarten is from the German meaning children's garden. What does one think of when they think of a child's garden? I know I think of trees and flowers and children running and playing, maybe stopping to pick and smell of the flowers, maybe trying to climb some of the trees. Maybe chasing each other and playing tag, or even having a picnic. I certainly don't think of little bodies stuffed into desks listening to some teacher drone on and on about their next testing session.

When I was old enough for Kindergarten both of my parents worked. I went to a normal public school Kindergarten (PS 98 in NYC) for about 3 weeks before my mother realized she could not work with the 1/2 day schedule. I don't remember too much about it other than the 2 1/2 hours going by very quickly. I don't remember going outside much, but it was right in the heart of Manhattan, so I can see why.

After realizing Kindergarten wouldn't work for me, I was put into a daycare center. I loved it there. I was in the class with the other "big" kids. Those of us who should have been in Kindergarten but weren't. I remember being one of the first kids dropped off in the morning and one of the last picked up at the end of the day. But I didn't mind it too much, I had a lot of fun there.

Those of us who were early arrivals got to eat breakfast at the center. I remember they used to let me eat bowls of peanut butter for breakfast. No one thought it was weird, no one shamed me, they just let me eat my bowl of peanut butter. I also remember they had a big table that they filled with sand in the cold months and water in the warmer months. Sand and water fun INSIDE! How cool was that! We used to make our afternoon snack together in the mornings, sometimes pudding, sometimes cookies. It was a fun thing to look forward to each morning knowing we would get to eat our creations that afternoon. We had our own cubbies and our own pillow and blanket for our nap time each afternoon. No one forced us to nap, if we weren't sleepy we just needed to have quiet time. Thinking back on all of this, I can't help but think that maybe some of my unschooling tendencies were quietly planted in my little head while at this daycare center. I think for 1973 they were definitely ahead of their time in their approach to children. But it was NY.

Finally, my most favorite memory of this center was the roof. Being NY, land is a premium and while there are plenty of parks, not too many were at schools, especially small private daycare centers. So they put a big chain link fence around the roof and built a huge playground up there. We had slides and swings and monkey bars and see saws and a sand box and it was all on the roof. And we got to go up there twice each day. Once in the morning and once after lunch. Even in the snow. I don't remember having to sit and "learn" something everyday while there, but I am sure learning took place. It was just in such a fun and free environment it happened naturally. Imagine that, learning being fun!

My own girls went to Montessori for Kindergarten. Montessori is also a very free environment. My girls loved it there. They too got to bake and create and go outside and just be kids in that environment. Their teachers were loving and genuinely cared about each child. That is what Kindergarten should be. I actually would prefer that Kindergarten didn't exist. Had I known about homeschooling/unschooling when my girls were little, they might not have gone to Montessori, but I can at least rest in knowing that by going I did them no harm. I am very glad I didn't subject them to public school Kindergarten, at least not what passes for Kindergarten today. Parents need to take back the schools. They need to do what is in the best interest of their children. Children need to play, they need to observe the world around them, they need to get outside and be in touch with nature. They don't need to be stuffed into desks in airless classrooms listening to some person who just wants to make it through her day drone on and on about meaningless drivel. Let our little ones be free. I can dream can't I?

You are worried about seeing him spend his early years in doing nothing. What! Is it nothing to be happy? Nothing to skip, play, and run around all day long? Never in his life will he be so busy again.
~Jean-Jacques Rousseau~

Christmas 1973

In 1973 I was 5 years old. We lived in New York City, in an apartment in a neighborhood on the far upper west side of Manhattan. I did a google search of where I used to live.....wow that was weird. I lived at 119 Payson Ave., Ny, Ny. The building looks exactly the same as I remember it. You can also do a pan of the street, and across the street from our apartment was a park.......it looks exactly the same. I was 8 when we moved, I can't believe everything looks the same as it did 32 years ago. What a jog down memory lane.

Now that I am done being sidetracked, let me regale you with what Christmas was like at the Cox's apartment in the early seventies.

My parents, even though they were parents, still liked to party. And for some reason, most of their friends didn't have kids. So most Christmas's were geared toward the adults than the kids. Oh we still had fun, but probably not the same kind of fun as most kids.

In 1973 I was 5, my brother was 9 and my sister was 10. I am pretty sure they didn't believe in Santa anymore, but they went along with it for my sake.

So the evening of Christmas Eve would start with family and friends coming to our house. I remember my grandmother and Harry (her live in boyfriend, only grandfather on my moms side that I really remember) would be there. Also my Aunt Marge and Uncle Ron (friends of my parents, not real aunt and uncles because both my parents were only children). I'm sure my dad's parents were there, they lived in the apartment building right next door to us, but they weren't as social as the rest, so it's a vague memory. I remember the loud people, the partiers the most.

So we would have an apartment full of people. And our apartment wasn't that big, so as a five year old it may have seemed like more than were actually there. But between my own family of five two sets of grandparents and Aunt Marge and Uncle Ron, that was plenty.

Since my mom and dad were partying, the last thing they wanted to do was get up at the crack of dawn to open presents. So the kids went to bed around 9 or 10 while the adults kept the celebration going. Before going to bed we would leave Santa a shot of whiskey, yes whiskey, it's cold flying around the world all night. If you aren't Irish, you might not understand. And then we'd be off to bed. After my parents knew we were good and asleep, they would bring out our gifts. Sometimes starting to put things together just then as well. When they had everything out and put together (and I heard in later years that the "putting together" part often took a whole lot longer than my dad thought it would) my parents would come and wake us up yelling "Santa's been here, come open your presents." Now this was usually around midnight or later depending on how much trouble toy assembly had been.

I remember this year particularly because I heard Santa's sleigh and that is what woke me up. It's kind of hard to explain, but the way our apartment was configured, the kitchen window was just an angle away from the bedroom I shared with my sister. Not right next to our window, but just across the way at an angle (clear as mud I'm sure). We used to string a clothes line from our bedroom to the kitchen to hang clothes to dry. Anyway, that year I was awoken to the sound of Santa's sleigh bells outside my window. I was told years later that it was my grandmother (moms mom) and she had hung herself out the kitchen window ringing bells so I would hear the bells outside of mine. (We lived on the second floor). It's a happy memory that I am glad I have.

So anyway, while we were happy Santa had been there, WE WERE TIRED! We had just fallen asleep. The adults were mostly happily inebriated at this point, so they were all quite jolly. We would open our presents, entertaining the adults, get a few minutes to play with a few things, then back to bed with you, playtime tomorrow.

Does anyone else think this is bizarre? It was the norm for us, at least for a few more years. During the summer of 1975, a mean girl I knew told me that that Santa was lie. I asked my mom and she confirmed it. I think she was happy about it because we no longer had to play the going to bed charade. We just started opening our presents before we went to bed on Christmas Eve.

We continued to have Open Houses on Christmas Eve. In 1976 we moved to Illinois. That year we had our first Christmas in a new house, in a new state. Grandparents flew in to be with us. As we all made new friends, more and more people got to experience a Cox Christmas Eve. Some of my friends still talk about coming to our house Christmas Eve. The food and booze were always flowing. My parents were perfect hosts. It really is one of the highlights of my childhood memories. A lot of things were not good about my childhood, but almost every Christmas was. I miss that my children will never experience what we had when all of my family could be together. We weren't the perfect family by any means, but there were times when we did have a lot of fun.

When Time who steals our years away

Shall steal our pleasures too,

The mem’ry of the past will stay,

And half our joys renew.

~Thomas Moore~