28 January 2009
Their oldest son just got married. They did a whole show just on the wedding. The Duggar boy and his fiance didn't do anything other than hold hands until their wedding day. They wouldn't even full frontal hug, just those side hugs, lest a girls breast might brush up against him and cause some sort of sinful thinking. This stuff had my daughters, 11 and 13, in hysterics. Even at their young age, they can't believe two people would marry each other having only held each others hands. They were never even allowed alone together. They had chaperone's everywhere they went.
How can you really make the decision to marry someone before you've even kissed them? I know a lot of Christians who believe in the whole courtship model of dating. Actually dating isn't allowed. Basically, they are raising their kids to seek out the one they want to marry, but they are not allowed to date anyone to find this out. I'm not even sure exactly how this works. Maybe you see a cute boy at church (is that sin, thinking he's cute, is that lust in your heart?) And then I guess you tell your sister, who tells her best friend, who's brother knows the cute boy that you think he's cute? Or maybe the girl isn't allowed to do anything. They have to sit around and wait for prince charming to come over and ask Daddy if he can marry his daughter.
During the show about the wedding, the bride's father was interviewed and he talked about how he has had "authority" (I hate that word) over his daughter until the wedding day, and now he was handing that authority over to the Duggar boy. Gag me! Does this girl ever get to have authority over her own life? Part of the vows were also that they would allow God to decide how many children they would have. Basically telling everyone in attendance and all of America watching that they won't be using birth control. Maybe the Duggar boy liked coming from a family of 18 and counting, but this girl doesn't even get a choice. Her life has been decided for her by her father and then her new husband. She will become a baby-maker. Now I have nothing against babies, I love babies, I had two. But this is it for her. She has gotten married. Her job now is to serve her husband and pop out all the children he wants. And maybe at 18-20 years old, when all you've done is lived under your fathers roof and waited for prince charming to show up, it sounds wonderful and exciting. But how do you feel at 40, when you have 10 kids, and you realize your youth is gone and you think about all the things you could have done and never got the chance to do? Maybe that realization never comes for some, those who fall under the spell of the patriarchal model of religion. The wife knows her place, is never allowed to fraternize with those who might fill her mind with things of the world, so she remains sheltered, under the rule of her husband. Ignorance is bliss I suppose.
I have had many conversations with Christian friends about letting my daughters date. I plan to let them date (shocker!). I don't even mind if they kiss a boy or two (heathen!) And I don't want them to go right from my house to their husbands house. I want them to decide for themselves what they want to their lives to be. How can they know what they want if they never learn what they don't want? And the only way to know what you don't want is by getting to know someone a little. I remember going on a few dates, and the guys seemed nice enough, and then when we kissed they made my skin crawl. Can you imagine finding out on your wedding day that your husbands kiss makes your skin crawl?
I hate to judge, and that's not what I am trying to do here. I just know far too many girls who will be under their fathers "authority" until the father decides to hand that authority over to some guy he wants his daughter to marry. I know these parents didn't live that way until they got married. Why was it ok for these parents to date, and now they won't allow their children to? It seems to me they have a lack of trust in their children. They must control every move they make until they are safely ensconced in marriage. How sad. At least it is to me.
25 January 2009
- Unwanted :: too many animals are
- You’d better :: You better, you better, you bet (the Who)
- Woman :: I am woman hear me roar
- Weighed :: I wish I weighed what I did when I graduated HS.
- Upright :: Piano
- I feel :: Good (James Brown : )
- Ill :: Is that I'll or ill? If it's ill, I am!
- It’s like :: wow man
- Poor man :: Rich man
- Great :: Pumpkin Charlie Brown
My head hurts!
Want to mutter?
24 January 2009
I did learn something though. I do not have the time or really the inclination to post something everyday. It was a lot of pressure. I started my blog to write about random things that occurred in my life. Partly to get my thoughts down on "paper" and partly as kind of a record of who I am. If my girls are interested, they can read about the deep dark thoughts of their wacky mom when they get older. Maybe it will help them understand me better.
I also learned that I am not a slave to my computer. My girls are home with me all day, and much more deserving of my time than a blog. And when I may have had some free time late at night, I decided my sleep was more important as well.
So it was an interesting experiment for me. One that I will probably not do again. Maybe when I'm older and my kids are gone and I need something to fill my days. But that time isn't now. So I will continue to post to my blog when the fire ignites in my brain. Plenty of things piss me off, and plenty of other things I just want to write down. But I will not put the pressure on myself that I need to come to my blog and put something, anything, on it everyday.
20 January 2009
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. (To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.) I only tagged people on Facebook.
1. I was born in New York City at Jewish Memorial Hospital on Feb. 19, 1968. I have an older sister and brother. I'm the baby.
2. When I was 4 and 5 I went to a daycare center because my mother worked. It was one of the first daycare centers opened in NYC. It had a cool playground on the roof and they used to let me eat bowls of peanut butter for breakfast.
3. I went to Catholic School for 1st and 2nd grade, we moved to IL just before I started 3rd.
4. My dad was a first generation American, his parents were from Ireland, they met on the boat coming to America. My grandfather was a member of the IRA. We grew up as good Irish Catholics.
5. From 4-8 years old I took tap and ballet lessons from a former Rockette.
6. I took piano lessons from age 4 until age 14, and I still can't really play.
7. In 4th grade I was the Spelling Bee Champion for my entire school district. I got my picture in the local paper.
8. In 8th grade I ran into the wall during gym class. I knocked myself out and broke my right arm.
9. I was a Pom Pom girl my sophomore year of high school.
10. My senior year I got kicked out of P.E. for cutting class too many times. I had to take a sophomore P.E. class to get enough credits to graduate.
11. I bought my first car (a Ford Escort GT, mine was white) right after I graduated High school. I totaled that same car one year later, breaking my right cheekbone in the process.
12. I was an extra in a Dial Soap Commercial.
13. I can drive a stick shift. I also used to be able to drive a motorcycle.
14. I lived on my own or with a roommate from age 19-23. I worked 3 jobs to pay my expenses, one of those jobs was waitressing at Olive Garden.
15. When I was 21 I jumped up onstage at a Ratt concert. I was thrown out of the arena but I managed to sweet talk my way back in. I was (and kind of still am) a metal head.
16. I am very impatient and I really like to be on time.
17. I've only lived in 2 states, NY and IL. But I've been in 17. I was all set to move to TN with my parents in 1991, but I met my DH and stayed in IL with him.
18. I've been to Florida 8 times since I was 17. I'd live there if could. It is my favorite vacation destination.
19. I've been to Las Vegas once. I hope to go again someday. I also hope to get to Ireland one day.
20. I hate housework. And I'm kind of a pack rat.
21. I rarely leave the house without something on my lips...lipstick or lip gloss.
22. I was a Girl Scout Leader for 6 years and am still considered to be an Adult Girl Scout.
23. DH and I lived together for 6 years before we got married. Eldest daughter was born pre-marriage, youngest was born one month after we married. I didn't have a wedding, (I was 8 months pregnant) and we got married at the county courthouse.
24. I sing to my cats ( I have 4) and make up songs that rhyme with their names. Drives my family crazy.
25. I'd like to go back to school one day and become a nurse.
17 January 2009
- Arrival :: imminent
- Vomit :: I hate to
- Fit :: throw a
- Stutter :: glad I don't
- Lifestream :: Makes me think of a Gulfstream
- Tread :: mill
- Desire :: Isn't that a U2 song?
- Freezing :: living in Chicagoland
- Permit :: a permit or to permit?
- Crinkle :: crinkle little star, LOL : )
Pretty exciting huh? Want to mutter?
16 January 2009
Here's something to think about. I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well' for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked,"'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either!"
Then he asked, "'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
"Oh, no," I said, "My former doctor told me that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
"'No, I don't," I said.
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"'No," I said.
He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you even give a shit?"
15 January 2009
13 January 2009
So anyway we started talking about our eating habits. I first need to start with my DH's eating habits. Ever since I have known him, he hasn't been much of an eater. He does eat more now than 10 years ago, but I still consider him to be a light eater. Sometimes it will be four in the afternoon and he will just realize he hasn't eaten all day. Carley is like that. She sleeps late, so that's probably part of it. But if I don't mention eating breakfast to her, she will often skip it. Some days, if I have gone out in the morning, I will come home around 2 or 3pm and ask her what she's eaten that day. More often than not the answer will be "nothing". She just doesn't think about food 1/2 the time. Certainly not a trait she inherited from me.
I grew up in a very food dysfunctional home. My mom had really severe food issues. She was either gorging or starving herself depending on the week. She was overweight my entire life, except for when she went on this liquid protein diet in the 1970's. It made her really thin for a while, but it also made her really sick and eventually when she started eating again, she gained all the weight back. Then in the early 1980's she had her stomach stapled. The precursor to what is now gastric bypass. She lost a bit of weight afterward, certainly not what she thought she would. The worst side effect was that she threw up after almost every meal. Until she discovered she could keep down booze and ice cream, but that's another post.
So with that background, you can see I didn't exactly have a good food role model growing up. My dad was OK, he tried to eat healthy, although butter was one of his favorite foods. But my dad always maintained a healthy weight, and if he gained a few pounds, he would eat salad for a week or two to get back to where he wanted to be. Sure wish I had inherited that gene.
I have struggled with my weight most of my life. I was chubby as child, from about age 9-13. Then I thinned out for high school. Of course I didn't think I was thin even though I was a size 8-10. At 5'6" that seems healthy to me. Unfortunately I was surrounded by very tiny girls in high school. I spent most of my teens and early twenties dieting, watching what I ate very closely, exercising regularly ( I ran and did aerobics) or doing drugs to lose weight. At one point I was 120lbs, but I had to do cocaine to stay there. I hurt my back in 1992, I became quite sedentary and depressed, so what happens when I am sedentary and depressed? I eat and gain weight. So I have been struggling with my weight pretty steadily now since 1992. A pregnancy in 1995 and another in 1997 did nothing to help the situation.
I did manage to lose 50lbs in 2003 on the Atkins diet. But as soon as I added carbs back in, it all came back. I went on Wellbutrin a little over a year ago, and that helped me lose 22lbs. I have managed keep it off, but I am still on the Wellbutrin. I don't know if it would come back if I went off it.
So back to the conversation with my girls. Carley was saying how she just doesn't think about food much. She eats when her body tells her it's hungry. She's a bit of a sedentary girl, likes to read and be on the computer. So I am guessing her body doesn't need much to survive, LOL. She will eat when she is hungry, so I like to leave her alone and let her decide when to eat. That's hard for some people to understand. If you grew up in house where you had to sit down to 3 square meals a day, at set times, it's hard to understand not forcing your child to eat. I have enough problems with food and eating, I don't want to inflict that on my children. I am happy that they can hear their bodies calls and answer them accordingly. Catherine my youngest tends to graze all day. But she is still such a skinny thing, so obviously that works for her.
I feel like I am finally at a place where I am comfortable in my own skin. I do still need to lose about 40lbs., but I don't stress about it all the time or even think about it all the time. I try to move my body in some way everyday, I try to watch what I eat. But if I want a dish of ice cream, I don't freak out about it. I try to show my girls how to eat well, I keep fruit in the house and I really love salads, so they do see me eat them a lot. But I am not afraid to have cookies or chips or soda in the house and I don't restrict what my kids can eat. Making certain foods off limits makes them more enticing, as I have witnessed first hand through some of my children's friends who have severe food restrictions in their homes. I really do believe everything in moderation is the key. And if we don't mess our kids up in their youth, hopefully they can live healthfully as adults. Might be too late for me, but I am working on it.
12 January 2009
I'm kind of cheating actually, it's really mid-evening Sunday night. But since I am trying to post everyday, I am setting this to post at 12:01 am Monday. So it's not really Monday mutterings, it's 8pm Sunday night mutterings. What difference can 4 hours make?
- Resolution :: I didn't make any
- Break :: Prison
- Tied :: Fit to be?
- Suffering :: Eternal
- Instead :: of
- Slash :: of Guns n' Roses
- Divorce :: I hope to never need one
- Cough :: Bend over and
- Happy :: Together (song)
- Sniffle :: Just got over that too
Well, the only difference 4 hours may have made is that at midnight I will really be unconscious.
Can you mutter unconsciously?
11 January 2009
So with that in mind, I stole this meme from Juls over at The Clearing. I'm kind of afraid to fill it out, I'm not sure if I can answer all these questions correctly about my hubby. I know my dear husband reads my blog, so, John, if I answered any wrong, correct me please : )
1. He’s sitting in front of the TV: What is on the screen? History or Discovery Channel
2. You’re out to eat. What kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Thousand Island or a Vinaigrette
3. What is one food he doesn’t like? My olive oil/tomato dish : )
4. You go out to the bar. What does he order? Beer, brand depends on where we are.
5. Where did he go to high school? Dundee High School, Dundee, IL
6. What size shoe does he wear? 11
7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? Guitars, music stuff
8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? Roast Beef, cheese and Miracle Whip
9. What would the Husband eat every day if he could? He wouldn't eat anything everyday, he gets bored with food quickly.
10. What is his favorite cereal? I don't think he has one, he rarely eats breakfast.
11. What would he never wear? Lazy shoes (ha, he knows what I mean : )
12. What is his favorite sports team? Doesn't have one, not that into sports.
13. Who is his best friend? If we're talking guy friends, I guess Egan. I hope I'm his best all around friend.
14. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do? How about what is something I don't do that he wishes I would? Clean better. Or I suppose just clean, period.
15. How many states has he lived in? I think just one, IL.
16. What is his heritage? Swedish and Polish
17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind? None, he hates cake. I might make him brownies.
18. Did he play sports in high school? No
19. What could he spend hours doing? Playing computer games, playing his guitar, reading blogs.
10 January 2009
I love to sleep. Especially now that it's winter. I wish I could sleep from New Year's Day until the first day of spring. Of course I'd miss my and my two daughters birthdays, but hey, small price to pay to catch up on my sleep.
When I was really young, grade school days, I was an early riser. In high school not so much. It was torture getting up for school. And for work on the weekends. But I did it, you do what you have to do. Out of high school I got a job working nights. I worked the 8pm-8am shift 4 days a week, occasionally 5 days a week when they required OT. On my 2 or 3 days off, I rarely reverted back to a normal schedule, it was too hard to switch back and forth. So I lived a Vampire's life for a few years. After two years I had enough seniority to switch to the day shift. So I worked 8am-8pm. That was hard, making the switch. Morning was not my friend. But even then I still didn't need much sleep. On my days off I waitressed, often working until midnight, and then I would hit the bars with my friends. And then have to get up for work the next morning. But I did it.
Then I had kids. I did sleep with my babies, so it's not like I was up all night walking the floors or making bottles. I nursed. So while it was fairly easy to nighttime parent, I still woke up, a lot. My second daughter was needier than my first, so for about 5 years I never slept straight through the night. Then I put my girls in pre-school, so we had to be up early and had some place to be. And I worked at the pre-school, so I actually had to be presentable when I brought them in. After I left the pre-school job and started homeschooling, I told my DH that I would still get up with him in the morning as a show of solidarity. He has to get up and go to work for us to stay home, the least I can do is get up and make him lunch and coffee and see him out the door.
Since 2000 or so, DH has needed to leave the house around 6:50am to get to work on time. So we'd get up around 6:20am. Still a little on the early side for me, but at least most of the time the sun was on it's way up. On days the girls and I had nowhere to be, I often went back to bed. Rarely would I fall back to sleep, but it was nice having the option to go back to bed for a while.
Recently, thanks to the auto industry and my DH working in it, he has had to start work at 6am. START WORK AT 6AM! That means he needs to leave the house by 5:20 or so. Which means we are up at 4:50. 4:50AM! And no, the sun is nowhere near up. I love my husband, but this 4:50am thing is pushing it. Another online friend, Stephanie, just posted on her blog how she rarely GOES to bed before 4am. She's going to bed when I'm getting up. We should IM each other, I'll wish her goodnight as she wishes me good morning! Hopefully this thing with hubby's job won't go on much longer. I need my sleep!
I definitely do go back to bed after he leaves at 5:20am, but I have a really hard time falling back to sleep. Rarely do I fall back to sleep before 6:30am or so. And then I don't want to sleep all day, so I try to get up by 9am. But I hate getting such disjointed sleep. I want a good solid 8, all in a row dammit! DH can survive on 5-6 hours of sleep. So when we got up at 6:20am, he'd watch TV until midnight the night before. Now that we have to get up at 4:50am, he watches TV until 10:30-11pm. So when the alarm goes off, I haven't had my solid 8. I never get my solid 8.
If I had my way, (if it was a perfect world), I would probably go to sleep each night around 10:30-11pm and get up between 8-9am. 8-10 hours of sleep. It sounds so lovely. My body just craves sleep lately. I am tired all the time. I think I am paying for the mistakes of my youth. I think our body must keep a sleep log. If you deprive it too long, it is going to demand payback. I think my body is calling it in right now. Which is why I wish I could sleep all winter. Then I could wake up refreshed and ready to go, just like a bear. And maybe I'd burn off some stored fat while I was at it. Sounds like a win-win to me. Ah to sleep.
09 January 2009
08 January 2009
07 January 2009
06 January 2009
I have a problem with people looking to Obama as "the Savior". We have only one savior, and Obama isn't it. Aren't we told not to put our faith in men? (or women)?
It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.
Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save.
Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?
I think we are in for some hard times in our country. I think some people refuse to see the truth before their eyes. Obama isn't going to be different, he's a politician, just like all politicians. Look at the people he has chosen to surround himself with, the people he has chosen for his cabinet. No big change makers there. I think our country will be less secure with him in charge. I think we will go deeper and deeper into debt. I think our morals will continue to slide into the abyss. I think the only thing we can trust in is the Lord.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5)
The first half of this these next few verses is a warning, but the goodness of the Lord shows through at the end:
5 This is what the LORD says: "Cursed are those who trust in mortals, who depend on flesh for their strength and whose hearts turn away from the LORD. 6 They will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes. They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives.
7 "But blessed are those who trust in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. 8 They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
Those of us who believe in the Lord, who trust in the Lord need to stand strong in the storm that may come. We must let the world know that we still believe the USA is governed by God, first and foremost, not by man. We need to pray, and ask God to give wisdom to those in charge of our country, but to never forget who is really in control.
05 January 2009
Anyway, I left my Wicked playlist up, since I blogged about it last summer and refer people to the songs. I also left my Christmas playlist up for the same reason. I blogged about Faith Hill's "A Baby Changes Everything" and feel like I should leave it there in case anyone is looking for it. (I do actually get found by some people searching for that song, and for the Wicked songs).
This new playlist is mostly Enya and some music from movies I like. I recently heard an Enya song and forgot how much I used to like her. It's very soothing. As are the movie songs. Let me know if you enjoy them too.
04 January 2009
- Confirmation :: a Catholic sacrament
- Verse :: bible
- Authorize :: I like to be in a position to authorize things
- Blog :: I have one
- Thirty :: seems like a long time ago
- Heir :: I am an heir to nothing
- What are you doing? :: waiting for a ham to cook
- Complaint :: I have filed complaint letters
- Leave :: where would I go?
- Tune :: I can hum you one
My stuffed up brain is boring I see. Maybe if this god-forsaken cold would go away I could have a clear thought again. Want to give this muttering thing a go?
03 January 2009
My eldest daughter (Carley) asked for and received a game for her DS system for Christmas called Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney. You play as Phoenix Wright he is a defense attorney. I haven't explored much about the game, other than watching Carley play it. She has to gather clues, come up with some kind of defense and go into a courtroom and defend her client. Part of the game is yelling things into the speaker of the DS system, so in the last week I would often hear her yelling "Objection" while playing her game.
Well youngest daughter (Catherine) decided she wanted to play the game too. Thankfully her sister was willing to share. So Catherine has been playing the game for the last few days. Today, Carley and I were sitting in the living room watching TV and we could hear Catherine yelling things in her room. We knew she was playing the game. But imagine our surprise when we opened the door to her room. There she was sitting on her bed, surrounded by her animal court. She had used quite a few of her stuffed animals to lay out the game. She had her defendant (poor little Coconut, of American girl fame), the State's Attorney, the Judge, the witness's and the jury all laid out on her bed. With stuffed animals playing every role. She said it was a visual aid helping her with the game. It was really cute.
Now, to some, I suppose that would seem like no big deal. To some they would think she is just wasting her time playing a mindless video game. But she is learning all about the court system. She knows about defense attorneys and how to build a case to defend their client. And she knows what a State's Attorney is and how they actually function in a court. She knows when to yell "Objection" in defense of her client. She knows who will be a good witness and who won't. She has a sudden interest in knowing things about our legal system. I heard her ask her sister what a Paralegal does. She thought it might be interesting to be one when she gets older. She found something interesting (the game) and it has sparked a desire in wanting to know more. Imagine that. And some people think unschooling doesn't work : )
02 January 2009
Today I find myself sick with a bad cold. And womanly issues. So really, the last thing I want to do is sit at my computer and try to process an organized thought. Let alone then transfer that organized thought into words to put on my computer screen. I do tend to think about all sorts of interesting things, but usually late at night, as I lay in bed, no where near my computer. And alas, by morning all my wonderful blog posts have been lost in dreamland.
So I am making the commitment to blog something each day. Whether it be what I'm making for dinner, or maybe it will be some wonderful life altering realization, or it might even be just something funny my kids or cats did. Whatever it is, I am pledging right now that I will post to my blog every day this month. That's the requirement for joining NaBloPoMo, and since I joined, I guess I'd better follow through. Wish me luck : )