Christians and "Christians"

Man is a Religious Animal.  He is the only Religious Animal.  He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them.  He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight.  He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven.  

~Mark Twain~

 

A little background:  I grew up Catholic.  Born, baptised, reconciled, communed, confirmed, Catholic.  Cradle Catholic as many like to call us.  Back then, Catholics didn't read the bible, they didn't do much other than show up for church on Sunday.  So by the time I was 16 or so, I was done with Catholicism and most religion.  I went through the motions when my girls were born, had them baptised Catholic, to save their souls and all that.  But around 1999, I started hanging with "Christians".  

Catholics like to call themselves Christians, but over time I have come to see that there are Christians and there are "Christians" and never the twain shall meet.  They are just two different animals.  I have decided that Christians are the normal, everyday folk, who believe in God, believe in Jesus, go to church on Sunday, but live in and with the rest of the world.  "Christians" on the other hand, are those who go to church as many days during the weeks as possible, go to every church retreat, every church event, and try to mingle with "others" as little as possible.  People outside the church are "scary", threatening, not like them.     

When I started hanging out with "Christians" I got sucked into all things "Christian".  I decided to homeschool my girls to save them from the evil public schoolers (actually, homeschooling become unschooling which became a "good thing" but I digress).  I became obsessed with shielding my children from all the "worldly" things that might harm them.  TV, music, who their friends were all had to be carefully evaluated to make sure it was what God would want for my children.   I even made them skip Halloween for a few years.  Something my children never let me forget. 

In recent years we've been involved in a Christian homeschooling cooperative.   The hypocrisy I have seen there has been amazing.  These people, who profess love in their hearts for all, have really shown themselves to be the most judgmental people I have even known.  I never saw judgment much until I became a "Christian".  It's one thing as a Christian to believe Christianity is the way, quite another to think your own version of "Christianity" is the only way.  Who knew there was so much division just among "Christians"?  It isn't enough to be a believer, one must believe a certain way.  Every denomination seems to think they have the lock on the "truth". They also believe they get to judge how our children dress, how much make-up they wear and whether or not they should be allowed to date or (gasp) have a boyfriend!   

I've grown tired of it.  I've grown tired of trying to see where I fit into the puzzle that is Christianity.  When we as a family were actually going to church, a "Christian" church, we didn't necessarily believe everything being taught.  When we spoke to some other members about this dilemma, we were told that most people don't believe everything taught in a specific church, one was supposed to take the good and discard the bad.  We were told we'd never find a "perfect" church.  HUH?  At the time I didn't think much about that statement, but looking back, I think why go somewhere if you don't agree with what is being taught? 

Since leaving our former church, I have considered going back to the Catholic church.  But I can't.  The patriarchal attitude is more than I can take, and I don't want my girls growing up under patriarchy.  And the more I research other churches, the more I realize I just don't think I will fit in anywhere.  I just have too many disagreements with what they believe, and I don't want to go to a church and have to pick and choose, again, what I believe in. 

Anne Rice, the author, recently announced she was quitting Christianity.  She just can't reconcile what she believes (and she believes in God, Jesus and the Bible) and what the churches teach.  So she's given up on church.  I think I need to give up on church too.  I haven't given up on God, or Jesus.  But I am giving up on church.  There is too much falsehood, too much hypocrisy, too much judgement, too many cliques, too much prying into my life at church.  I have been happier since leaving church, surprisingly enough.  Since I stopped my quest of feeling like I "have" to go to church, that I "have" to be in community, blah, blah, blah, I feel less stressed, more free to be me.  And I think God is ok with it too.  

Not all religion is to be found in the church, any more than all knowledge is found in the classroom.  

~Author Unknown~

Everyday people are straying away from the church and going back to God.  

~Lennie Bruce~

Churchianity

That's a nifty word. I first read it over at Stephanie's blog, and I like it. She said she didn't make it up, I don't know who did, but I am stealing it.

I have been having deep thoughts (remember that guy on Saturday Night Live that used to do Deep Thoughts..........), I am so easily distracted!

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot lately about my "Christianity". I grew up Catholic. I went to church, I received most of my sacraments. I believed in God, Jesus, the Holy spirit. I prayed. But I didn't go around making sure everyone knew I was a Christian, I didn't feel like everything I did had to be based on being a Christian and I didn't feel like a sinner if I did something un-Christian.

I became a "born-again" Christian in 2000. I fell hook, line and sinker for the life of a Christian. I stopped listening to anything but Christian music. I stopped hanging out with non-Christian friends. I censored everything my girls watched on tv. I even made my girls stop Halloween for a few years. Looking back, I almost feel like I was sucked into a cult. In the summer of 2002, I was seriously burned by a woman in my church whom I worked for at her pre-school. (Long story, I'll tell it at another time). That was the beginning of my realization that maybe this "Christian" way of living isn't really all it's cracked up to be. Then in June of 2004 my mother died. This Christian church, where I was supposed to be part of a family, virtually ignored me and my family while I was dealing with the grief of losing my mom. (Another long story, for another time). My sister, who is not a Christian, was treated better by her "secular" friends than I was by my 'Church family". So that just added to the discontent I was feeling.

It took me another 3 years of just feeling like I didn't belong before I seriously began looking at my situation. Finally I went to my last service in December of 2007. My girls were the ones who asked to stop going. Seems this Christian church we went to was very cliquey. My girls could see favoritism all around them, and girls who certainly did not show a Christian heart to others. I wasn't happy, they weren't happy, none of us were getting anything but misery from going, so we stopped. And I am not sorry we did.

So I have been thinking a lot about church and Christianity for the last year. Trying to decide if I need to find another church. Is that what God wants? All of us in a church, pretending to be things we aren't to please man? That's what I felt like in church. That I had to pretend to be something I wasn't. Everyone would tell me that once I accepted Jesus as my savior, my life would be transformed, I would be a new creation, I wouldn't want to be like my old self. Well, didn't God make my old self? I had believed in him since I was a child. I had gone to church and prayed to him all my life. Why did I need to be a new creation? Was he mad at the old one? Then why did he make me that way? Does it really make me sinner to say sh**? Or even the F word? Am I sinner if I like Heavy Metal music and listen to Ozzy Osbourne? Does God really grieve if I have a beer or two? I was convinced for a while to believe everything I did was wrong. I don't buy it anymore.

I still love God and believe Jesus died for me as much as I ever did. But I don't think everything I do grieves him. I don't believe it is wrong to associate with non-Christians. And sadly enough, I am usually treated better by non-Christians than I am by Christians. So called "Christians" are so caught up in their self-righteousness they no longer show a joyful heart. It's all about who is doing what wrong, and what they need to do to prove themselves worthy before the Lord. They are all about judgment and worry and really, disappointment and anger. The more I hang around with Christians, the more unhappiness I see. And I don't think it is because they are Christians. I still consider myself to be one, even though I can find no where in the Bible where God calls us to become "Christians". We are called to followed Jesus, not become something with a name. I think the unhappiness stems from the churches. From the rules and regulations and restrictions that churches (man) seem to think we all need to follow to be "saved".

Which is why I like the term "Churchianity". I think that is what Christianity has become. It's not about following Jesus and focusing on others and spreading the good news. It's about policing members lives and calling people out for their sins and making everyone feel bad. We were never called by God to go to a church. The church is the people of God. It was never meant to be a place or another institution like it has become. It has become a place for man to elevate himself and put himself in a position over others, when in reality we are all equal before the Lord.

I could go on and on about this. I have really put a lot of thought into it. But I am not done yet. I feel God talking to me (not literally, I'm not a loon), but I do get the sense that dropping out of my church was fine with him. I am figuring out my relationship to him on my own terms. And I think he's ok with that.

Being a "Christian"

God does not lead all His servants by one road, nor in one way, nor at one time; for God is in all things; and that man is not serving God aright, who can only serve Him in his own self-chosen way.

~ John Tauler~

After writing my last post I got to thinking. Here is part of my dilemma: I feel as if I am not Christian enough for my Christian friends, and am too Christian for my non-Christian friends. I am a sinner, I know that. I have accepted the Lord and feel I am saved. I don't try to shove it down people's throats everywhere I go. I am not afraid for my children to mix and mingle with "non-Christians". I'm not sure where I stand on creationism. I do believe God created the world, not sure I believe it word for word how the Bible says it happened. I believe Catholics are Christians. (I know a lot of Christians who don't). I am not teaching my daughters that they have to submit to a man. I want them to be respected and be equals. If THEY should choose a relationship where they want to be submissive (I hope they don't personally), I want it to be their choice, not because MAN has interpreted the Bible his way and tells them they must submit to be a "Good Christian Wife". I don't teach my children that they must obey me and not question. I don't tell them them they don't have the right "heart" if they do something begrudgingly. I try to treat them as equals, because that is how I see them. They are people, just like me. I am not greater than they are, and I don't believe the Bible says I am. I don't believe "spare the rod" means to beat your children. I don't believe there is any place in the Bible that commands parents to hit their children. I could go on and on, but you must get my point. These are issues than can really divide some Christians.

So as I continue to wander in the desert, I need to figure out what I do truly believe and what I don't. Some would tell me to just believe every single thing written in the Bible. But do they really mean that? Do they really think everything written in the Old Testament is meant to be interpreted and applied literally to today? Some people say the New Testament trumps the old, some say the entire book is meant to be followed. It seems no matter how well schooled, no matter how Holy people feel they are, many people interpret the Bible in different ways. Even among Christians there are many schools of thought regarding the meanings in the Bible. Maybe one doesn't need schooling to figure it all out. (What an unschooley thought : ) Maybe one just needs to open their heart and have the Lord speak directly to them. Which is what I am trying to do in my desert.

A rule I have had for years is: to treat the Lord Jesus Christ as a personal friend. His is not a creed, a mere doctrine, but it is He Himself we have.

Dwight L. Moody 1837-1899, American Evangelist

Church?

Not all religion is to be found in the church, any more than all knowledge is found in the classroom.

~Author Unknown~

I haven't been to my church since last December. (It is a non-denominational Christian church.) And the only reason I went then was because my youngest daughter wanted to see the Christmas play. She wasn't in it, which is one of the reasons I don't want to go back to my church. You see it's very cliquey there. I started going in 1999. I was a Catholic, searching for something more. I did find it there for a little while. But I soon came to see the hierarchy of those who attended. There are a lot of "popular" people in my church. A lot of them are musicians. It's very musical/theatrical. It seems to really raise on a pedestal those who are musicians. It also seems to favor those who have been around for a very long time. And those who seem to have the "fire of the Lord" in them. If you can't play music then you must be extremely Holy. If you are neither of those, you tend to stay on the fringes. But there is still one more chance for you if the other two fail. You just need to get in with the right crowd. You need to become friends with the popular people. I had enough of that stuff in high school.

So I finally got to the point where I just didn't want to have to deal with the theatrics and the cliques on Sunday morning. It was distracting to me, and it was beginning to affect my children. See, the children of the favored ones were also cliquey. So my daughters got overlooked for things like Christmas plays and VBS skits. My oldest didn't have any friends in her junior high group. They didn't want to go anymore, and I couldn't blame them. I didn't want to go anymore either. So I haven't and neither have they. My DH still goes because he is a musician and he likes to play with the band. So now he goes by himself.

Isn't it a shame that I have to feel this way about a Christian church? Why is it that Christians can act so un-Christian towards other Christians?

I'm not sure how I should proceed from here. If the Catholics weren't so Catholic, I think I would like to go back there. I miss the reverence of a Catholic church. But I don't agree with a lot of their beliefs, and I don't want to have to tell my children what they should believe and what they should discard. But that is a big part of the problem. I have disagreements with a lot of what many church's practice. So what to do? Well for now, I do nothing. I still discuss the bible and the Lord with my girls. They have quite a bit of biblical knowledge, in their heads and in their hearts. So they appear to me to be on the right path. It would be nice to find a church body where I feel we'd fit, and my girls could be part of a youth community. But I just can't see how to make that happen.

Which bring me back to the bible. Are we really called to "join a church"? Or are we called to be part of the body of believers? I am still a believer, so doesn't that still make me part of the body? I know it is God's will that we join together with others. Can I not just join together with my family for a while? I think so, which is why I haven't been to church since last December. It's funny how much less stress I feel not going to church. And in a funny way I feel closer to God not going. I often was at odds with things preached and practiced in my church, so how can one feel close to the Lord when one doesn't even agree with what is being taught?

I know what I beleive and I know what I don't believe. I know I am a Christian and I know I am saved. As far as going back to a church, I think I'll just wander here in the desert for a while.

Everyday people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

~Lennie Bruce, The Essential Lennie Bruce, 1972~