The Chicago Tea Party

I have heard some people talking about the small turn outs at these tea parties. I guess some people fail to understand that most Conservatives/Republicans actually work during the day. They got a lot of news attention, at least around here, so that's all that really matters.

Here She Is!

(This is part 3 in a story telling about the birth of my eldest, who turns 14 today.)

So after seeing the doctor Thursday, after she tortured me by "stripping my membranes" I went home and tried to rest. I woke up that night (really the next morning) about 4am. My contractions were definitely stronger and coming much closer together. I called my doctor. After leaving a message with the answering service, she called back in about 15 mins. That was a long 15 mins. Anyway, she decided I should come into the hospital.

Before I continue, thought I should show everyone how I looked the week before I gave birth:
Boy was I huge!


We got to the hospital about 5:30 am. My doctor wasn't there yet, but the nurse's in ER were expecting me. I was pre-checked in, so they just popped me in a wheel-chair and up we went to the maternity floor. By the time I got changed and almost settled, my doctor showed up. After a check she determined I was at 3 cm. Oh My God, I am only dilating a cm a day! She suggested I take some Demerol to take the edge off. I was willing to take anything at that point to take the edge off. The Demerol helped, but it also made me nauseous. I would rather have excruciating contractions than be nauseous. I hate being nauseous. It's my most dreaded sickness.

It's around 7am now. An hour later than when she first checked me. I am still at 3 cm. She decided she is going to start Pitocin and break my water, but "would I like an epidural first?". Damn right I want an epidural first. So Mr. anesthesiologist comes in, tells me to lie on my side, curl up my knees and DO NOT MOVE! It's kind of hard not to move when your body is being racked with pain, but the thought of paralysis also crossed my mind, so I managed not to move. It was almost immediate relief. I never loved anyone as much as that anesthesiologist.

So then Dr. Novas (my ob) went to work breaking my water. I didn't feel anything. They attached a monitor to my poor little baby's head and hooked me up to a Pitocin drip. And then I went to sleep. Ah blissful sleep. Something I didn't have much of for the past two days. My sister showed up sometime during my nap. I had wanted her there for the delivery. I figured as many people I could have on my side the better. So I had DH (who was then just dear boyfriend) and my sister present for the delivery. Oh yea, and just about every other nurse, aide or passer-by in the hospital watching the delivery. My doctor had just switched from a different hospital and I was only her second delivery at this hospital. Being the newbie, people wanted to see how she did things. Luckily, being in pain and having a purpose distracted me enough that I didn't care how many people were in the room. But I am getting ahead of myself.

Around noon my doctor came in to check me and I was at about 7cm. She cranked up the Pitocin a bit more, and told me I'd probably be ready soon. I was still blissfully numb, so that was fine with me. Around 2pm she came back. I was at 10 cm. She had the anesthesiologist turn off the epidural (stop the drip from going in and keeping me numb). She wanted me to be able to feel to push. Did I really need to feel it? Couldn't I just push when she said push? So a little after 2:00pm I started to push. The nurses cranked up the back of the bed, my knees were pulled up so I could grab them, I had my DB (dear boyfriend, now husband) on one side of me and my sister on the other. And my doctor would watch the monitor to see when I was in a contraction (because I was still numb) and she would tell me when to push. Wasn't so hard for the first 20 mins or so, then the epidural started to wear off. But I trudged along. I had to have an episiotomy (which luckily she numbed me for) and then lo and behold, at exactly 3:20pm, out popped......A GIRL!

A girl? I wanted a girl so badly, but I am one of those kinds of people who likes to be prepared for the worst, so I didn't want to hope for a girl and be disappointed. So I had myself convinced it was a boy. But it was A GIRL! Yea, a girl. I remember my doctor asking DB if he wanted to cut the cord. I'm not sure he wanted to, but what do you say in the heat of the moment, no? So he cut the cord, the doc wiped her down a bit, wrapped her in a blankie, and gave her to me. Here she is in her very first picture:


After a minute or so they took her away, gave her a perfect Apgar score, cleaned her up, swaddled her like a sausage and then gave her back to me. My perfect little baby was, perfect! DB and I had talked about names. We had it narrowed down to Jacqueline (Jacquie) or Caroline (Carley). Carley won in the end, and I think it fits her.

Here she is while they were checking her out:



Here's my OB and me the next day (Carley is hard to see, but that's her all swaddled up.)


Below is one of her laying on her dad at about 3 months:


And here she is by herself at about 4 months:


We like to call that one "Crazy hair Carley".

And finally, one of her at 2 years old:


Maybe I'll try to get a picture of her today, so I can show you what "14 year old" Carley looks like. It's harder to get her to pose these days. It seems like just yesterday when I was pregnant with her. And yet it also seems like an eon ago. I can't believe those baby, toddler, pre-schooler, kid, years are gone. She is a young adult now really. Off to high school next year. Tick tock, tick tock.

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh~

"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time"
~James Taylor~

Day Two

(This is a continuation of a story started yesterday about my eldest daughters birth).

So I ended yesterday with going to bed and trying to sleep whilst having contractions.

So now it's Thursday. I wake up in the morning, still feeling the same way I felt the day before. Intermittent contractions, come and go every 15 -20 mins or so. I call my doctor and she says I should come back into her office and she will check me again. I get there, she puts the belt on, yes, I am still having what she calls "mild" contractions (they didn't feel mild to me!) and I am barely at 2 cm. Barely 2? I tell her I cannot go on like this for 8 more days if it is taking me a day to advance 1 cm. So she says she will strip my membranes and see if it will help speed things along. I didn't really know what "stripping my membranes" was, but it hurt like hell. While she was "in there" doing her thing, I asked her to stop, it was really, really uncomfortable. She got a bit snippy with me "You do want your labor to progress don't you?" No, duh, I think I'd like to be pregnant forever. What a stupid question. The whole goal was for me to get something out and here she was shoving her arm 1/2 way in, and twisting things around in there. Ouch!

(And I'd like to let you all know my doctor had never been pregnant, so she really had no idea how any of her torture devices felt.)

So after my "stripping" experience, she tells me to go back home and see how things go. I asked her what will it take for her to want to induce. She says I'm still moving along fine on my own, albeit a bit slowly, let's leave it to nature.

I want to have this baby now! But alas, Carley was meant to be born on the 24th not the 23rd, so I will need to wait one more day.

So DH and I went home. I continued to take my Darvocet to lessen the pain of the contractions and I tried to rest and sleep. I didn't make it through the night................more tomorrow : )

Carley Turns 14

My oldest will be 14 on Tuesday. At 3:20pm to be exact. I was in labor with her for three days before she was born, so I thought I would spend the next three days writing about her appearance into this world. (She was born on Friday, I started labor on Wednesday, technically about 54 hours, so not exactly three days : )

Carley (Caroline) was originally due on my birthday, February 19. She was 5 days late. But she started to try making her appearance on the 22nd. It was a Wednesday. I thought I was in labor. Now having never been in labor before, I was interpreting what I thought was labor. I had pain, a lot of pain, and it would stop for 10-15 mins and then start again. I called my doctor Wednesday morning and she said to come to her office and she would check me out. When I got there she put the belt on me, and yes, I was having contractions, but they weren't "productive" contractions. I was dilated to 1 cm. Yes, only 1. So she gave me some pain meds and sent me home. She said I would probably have the baby in a few days, but not that day. I wasn't that late (only a few days) and she didn't want to force things yet. Ugh!

So home I went, where I took my pain meds and tried to sleep. I didn't get much sleep that night, the meds didn't take the contraction pain completely away, and I kept having intermittent contractions all night. They never got too close together, so I just laid in bed and prayed for it to be over!

I'll tell you about day 2 of my labor tomorrow.

Late Saturday Night Muttering

I haven't been on the computer this late in a while. I was here when my new muttering words came in : )

1. Carpet :: Rug
   


2. William :: the Conqueror
   


3. Oh! :: My


4. Board game :: Clue
   


5. Sunlight :: I love it!
   


6. Delay :: too many at the airport
   


7. Winner :: And the winner is..........
   


8. Concubine ::I wouldn't want to be one
   


9. Comatose :: I feel that way sometimes
   


10. Satisfy :: Me

Another set of boring words and boring responses. Want to see if you are more exciting than me? Mutter!

41 Years Ago Today.....

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?
~Satchel Paige~

.....I was born. It's been a pretty quick 41 years overall. When I look back at experiences, and think back to my childhood, it seems like it was worlds away. But it also seems like I got to 41 pretty quickly. Such is the passage of time.

I hope I make it another 41 years. That'll get me to 82 (I did the math for you : )

I hope the next 41 don't go by as quickly as the last, but I am afraid they are going to go even faster. Why is it that the older one gets, the faster it goes by? When I was a kid I couldn't wait to get older. Always wishing for my next birthday, wanting to be 16 so I could drive, wanting to be 18 so I didn't have to listen to my parents anymore, wanting to be 21 so I could drink. Around 21 I didn't wish for birthdays anymore. I didn't care that they came, I just didn't need them to come anymore. I reached the full age of legality, I could do anything. It wasn't until my mid-thirties that birthdays started reminding me I was getting old. Last year was hard. Something about 40 says old to me. I realize it's not really "OLD" but it is "older". Now I am entering my "forties", that seems old.

The firs thing I noticed last year was my eyes. I'd had people tell me that your eyes will start to go at 40. I've always had better than perfect vision my entire life. I didn't believe MY eyes would go. Well they did. I don't need glasses yet, but I do need to hold things with small print very far away to read it. And if the light is poor, forget it. That's new to me.

I've heard people say 40 is the new 30. 50 is the new 40, blah, blah, blah. Maybe it's true in how people look these days. If you look at people from 50 years ago, they did look old at 40. I think now-a-days we dress younger, take care of our skin better, etc. So maybe the new 40 looks 30, but I don't think 40 feels like 30. When I was 30 I had a 3 year old and a 1 year old. And a lot more energy to keep up with a 3 year old and a 1 year old. I wouldn't wish that on myself now.

So Happy birthday to me. I made it another year.

Here's some quotes on birthdays and aging for your enjoyment:

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.
~Dave Barry~
"Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990

Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier.
~Dan Bennett~

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. ~Jennifer Yane~

There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.
~John Mortimer~

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
~Author Unknown~

Wordle

Julie posted this on her blog. I thought it was cool, so I did it too. It was created from all the words I have used while writing my blog.

(I can't seem to make it large enough to view properly here, I'm still kind of blog illiterate sometimes, but if you click on it it will take you to a larger image.)

Want to make your own Wordle?

Sunday Mutterings

I knew February would go by faster than January. It's muttering time again already!

1. Be mine :: Valentine
   


2. Ecstatic :: Super duper happy
   


3. Orderly :: I am not
   


4. Sebastian :: Bach, Skid Row
   


5. Sore :: Loser
   


6. Don’t need :: a whole lot of money, I don't need a real fine car, (Some Kind of Wonderful, Grand Funk)
   


7. Rockstar :: So you want to be a rock and roll star, well listen now, hear what I say (Tom Petty)
   


8. Tinfoil :: is shiny
   


9. Addiction :: Jane's


10. Where? :: am I?

Want to mutter too?

I've Just Seen A Face

When I was first going out with my dear husband, he sang a song to me on a street corner in Chicago. I have always considered it my song. In honor of this being Valentine's Day, thought I'd share it. It's currently playing if your volume is up.

We've been together almost 18 years. We celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary last Saturday. We've had our disagreements over the years, we've had our fights, but through it all, I've loved him and I know he loves me. And when I think of this song, it reminds me of our beginning, and makes me love him all the more.

I've Just Seen a Face
(the Beatles)

I've just seen a face I can't forget the time or place where we just met
She's just the girl for me and I want all the world to see we've met

Had it been another day I might have looked the other way and
I'd have never been aware but as it is I'll dream of her tonight

Falling, yes I am falling
And she keeps calling me back again

I have never known the like of this I've been alone and I have
Missed things and kept out of sight but other girls were never quite like this

Falling, yes I am falling
And she keeps calling me back again

Falling, yes I am falling
And she keeps calling me back again

I've just seen a face I can't forget the time or place where we've just met she's just the girl for me and I want all the world to see we've met

Falling, yes I am falling
And she keeps calling me back again

Falling, yes I am falling,
And she keeps calling me back again


Falling, yes I am falling
And she keeps calling me back again

Linkin Park, Numb

My children listen to Linkin Park. Through them I have become a fan of the band. The song below (and currently playing if you have volume on, unless you are reading this more than a few days after I posted, in which case it will be on my top playlist below, somewhere) really stuck with me the first time I heard it. It made me think of children, and how we have so many expectations for them, expectations that are supposed to fit into our mold of how they should be, instead of letting them become who THEY are meant to be. Our children were not put here to be little mini-me's.

I felt a lot of disappointment from my father growing up. I just never did things right or well enough for him. I was smart, but didn't apply myself and get good grades. I lived with my now husband and got pregnant before marriage. All these little things that I had made a choice to do were disappointments to him. I think sometimes we also get into relationships as adults and feel we disappoint those we love. We feel like we have to constantly live up to someone else's expectations or maybe they won't love us anymore. In the meantime we lose ourselves.

I hope I don't put these kinds of expectations on my children. That I expect them to grow up and be like me or do what I say is right. I hope they have been given the freedom to find who they are and believe what they want to believe. I hope they never feel I have been disappointed in them or that they have disappointed me. I have felt numb, I hope they never do.

Numb

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless lost under the surface

Don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Every step I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

I've become so tired so much more aware

I've becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me

Holding too tightly afraid to lose control

Cause everything that you thought I would be

Has fallen apart right in front of you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

I've become so tired so much more aware

I've becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know

I may end up failing too

But I know

You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

I've become so tired so much more aware

I've becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

Is everything what you want me to be

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

Is everything what you want me to be

Caption Contest

I've seen caption contests on other blogs, so I thought I'd do one too. I don't know if I even have enough readers to make this worthwhile, but if someone posts something I find extraordinarily funny, maybe you'll win something. Or at least you'll get fame and recognition on my blog :)

Caption This

Sunday Mutterings

I didn't forget this week.

1. Cups :: Dixie


2. Brilliant :: I am
   


3. Disobey :: Authority


4. Abstain :: From sex? or Alcohol? Or Drugs? Oh my!


5. Daily :: News


6. You make me :: So very happy, I'm so glad you, came into my life..........(B S & T I think)


7. Hurl :: ey....Lost : )


8. Intensify :: strengthen


9. Fuck! :: Why what a dirty mouth lunanina has!
   


10. Race :: We are all part of the human race regardless of our color

Want to mutter?

Churchianity

That's a nifty word. I first read it over at Stephanie's blog, and I like it. She said she didn't make it up, I don't know who did, but I am stealing it.

I have been having deep thoughts (remember that guy on Saturday Night Live that used to do Deep Thoughts..........), I am so easily distracted!

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot lately about my "Christianity". I grew up Catholic. I went to church, I received most of my sacraments. I believed in God, Jesus, the Holy spirit. I prayed. But I didn't go around making sure everyone knew I was a Christian, I didn't feel like everything I did had to be based on being a Christian and I didn't feel like a sinner if I did something un-Christian.

I became a "born-again" Christian in 2000. I fell hook, line and sinker for the life of a Christian. I stopped listening to anything but Christian music. I stopped hanging out with non-Christian friends. I censored everything my girls watched on tv. I even made my girls stop Halloween for a few years. Looking back, I almost feel like I was sucked into a cult. In the summer of 2002, I was seriously burned by a woman in my church whom I worked for at her pre-school. (Long story, I'll tell it at another time). That was the beginning of my realization that maybe this "Christian" way of living isn't really all it's cracked up to be. Then in June of 2004 my mother died. This Christian church, where I was supposed to be part of a family, virtually ignored me and my family while I was dealing with the grief of losing my mom. (Another long story, for another time). My sister, who is not a Christian, was treated better by her "secular" friends than I was by my 'Church family". So that just added to the discontent I was feeling.

It took me another 3 years of just feeling like I didn't belong before I seriously began looking at my situation. Finally I went to my last service in December of 2007. My girls were the ones who asked to stop going. Seems this Christian church we went to was very cliquey. My girls could see favoritism all around them, and girls who certainly did not show a Christian heart to others. I wasn't happy, they weren't happy, none of us were getting anything but misery from going, so we stopped. And I am not sorry we did.

So I have been thinking a lot about church and Christianity for the last year. Trying to decide if I need to find another church. Is that what God wants? All of us in a church, pretending to be things we aren't to please man? That's what I felt like in church. That I had to pretend to be something I wasn't. Everyone would tell me that once I accepted Jesus as my savior, my life would be transformed, I would be a new creation, I wouldn't want to be like my old self. Well, didn't God make my old self? I had believed in him since I was a child. I had gone to church and prayed to him all my life. Why did I need to be a new creation? Was he mad at the old one? Then why did he make me that way? Does it really make me sinner to say sh**? Or even the F word? Am I sinner if I like Heavy Metal music and listen to Ozzy Osbourne? Does God really grieve if I have a beer or two? I was convinced for a while to believe everything I did was wrong. I don't buy it anymore.

I still love God and believe Jesus died for me as much as I ever did. But I don't think everything I do grieves him. I don't believe it is wrong to associate with non-Christians. And sadly enough, I am usually treated better by non-Christians than I am by Christians. So called "Christians" are so caught up in their self-righteousness they no longer show a joyful heart. It's all about who is doing what wrong, and what they need to do to prove themselves worthy before the Lord. They are all about judgment and worry and really, disappointment and anger. The more I hang around with Christians, the more unhappiness I see. And I don't think it is because they are Christians. I still consider myself to be one, even though I can find no where in the Bible where God calls us to become "Christians". We are called to followed Jesus, not become something with a name. I think the unhappiness stems from the churches. From the rules and regulations and restrictions that churches (man) seem to think we all need to follow to be "saved".

Which is why I like the term "Churchianity". I think that is what Christianity has become. It's not about following Jesus and focusing on others and spreading the good news. It's about policing members lives and calling people out for their sins and making everyone feel bad. We were never called by God to go to a church. The church is the people of God. It was never meant to be a place or another institution like it has become. It has become a place for man to elevate himself and put himself in a position over others, when in reality we are all equal before the Lord.

I could go on and on about this. I have really put a lot of thought into it. But I am not done yet. I feel God talking to me (not literally, I'm not a loon), but I do get the sense that dropping out of my church was fine with him. I am figuring out my relationship to him on my own terms. And I think he's ok with that.

Rules For Cats

This is an oldie, but a goodie. I didn't write it, but I think it applies. At least to my cats.


Rules For Cats

1. DOORS

Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs & scratch the frame. You may also reach under the door & pull clothing towards you; silks get the quickest reaction. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in & out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, when it's raining or snowing, or during the height of the mosquito season. Swinging doors must be avoided at all costs.

2. CHAIRS & RUGS

If you have to yack (aka barf, heave, urp, etc.), get to an overstuffed chair quickly. If you can't manage this in time, get to an oriental rug. If there are no oriental rugs, shag is a good substitute. When yaking on shag be sure you project; it is a must that it stretch for as long as human's bare foot.

3. BATHROOMS

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. (see rule 1) It is not necessary to do anything - just sit & stare.

4. HELPING

If one of your humans is engaged in some busy activity & the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping":

When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You can't be seen & thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on & then picked up & comforted.

For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes & book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out & slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember that the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery & needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the human may tell you.

For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity) keep in mind the aim - to help! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.

When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love it when you jump.

5. WALKING

As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human. Especially effective places to strike are:

-On stairs, when they have something in their arms
-In the dark
-When they first get up in the morning. This exercise helps with improving their coordination skills.

6. BED TIME

Always sleep on the human at night. If there are two (or more) of you, book-end the human putting off the greatest heat. They will try & squirm but your sheer numbers & inert bodies will effectively keep them pinned.

7. COMPUTERS

Only show interest in computers that are turned ON, the operator will need your help. Monitors are bad for human eyes. It might ruin your owner's sight & cause them to buy less cat food. Always get in between the monitor and the person operating the computer. For best results, stand as close to the monitor as possible. If you are removed, go & sulk in a corner for a minute,then repeat. Look as innocent as possible.

Keyboards are great to lie down on. Make yourself as comfortable as possible. Marching over the keyboard several times is fun too. Practice aiming at alt-F4, N, and ctrl-alt-del.

Always chase the mouse, your owner can't blame you for this, since it's your feline instinct to chase mice.

Wednesday Muttering

Seems I forgot to mutter last weekend. Stephanie had to remind me. I think the cold weather is killing off brain cells.

1. Take :: Away


2. 350 :: Dollars?
   


3. Stand :: In the place where you live now face north (REM)


4. Raspberry :: Preserves


5. Turnstile :: I don't like going through them


6. Infomercial :: Sham Wow!


7. Dejected :: sad


8. What’s the word? :: that rhymes with turd?


9. Awestruck :: by Nature's beauty
   
   
10. Smashed :: trashed

Hmm, weird words this week. I hope she picks better ones next week. Want to mutter?

It's February!

January was a blur of coughing and sneezing and I just realized it is already Feb. 3rd. See, February is already moving by faster than January ever did.

I hate January. It is my most despised month. Nothing exciting happens in January, and at least where I live, it tends to be our coldest month of the year.

February brings all kinds of excitement. My anniversary, my birthday and my oldest daughters birthday. Things to look forward to and make the month sail right by. Which means March is right around the corner, and with it, hopefully, SPRING!

I really don't like my life to fly by me. But I wish I could speed up winter and slow down summer. And isn't it funny how the opposite seems to occur. Summer never last long enough.

For now, so long January, I'm happy to see you go. I hope it feels like a really long time before I have to see you again.

No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow.
~Proverb~